A dark hooded figure mirrors my every move,

Invisible to all except myself.

She believes she’s my protector,

My savior.

Yet she pulls me

Down

Down

Down

Into a pit with no way out.

Compulsions bring me temporary comfort

In exchange for a life of misery.

Out of my very own volition,

I take the easy street.

I drink from her goblet of lies –

The gold liquid sweet to the taste.

I don’t realize it’s poison, yet I gulp them down all the same.

Do it. 

You touched the door. 

You are contaminated. 

I wash.

Not good enough. 

I wash again.

My obsessive thoughts are like a movie reel

Constantly spinning,

Except now they are ablaze,

Set alight by a burning orange glow.

The flickering flame casts long shadows,

A mere memory now of the compulsions I am so desperately attached.

I seek control in a world that cannot be contained.

Where I go

Entropy follows.

The Shadow reigns and I am her subservient.

Like Medusa, she has the power to turn me to stone,

Yet I am still awake, watching

Unable to control the world around me.

Unwanted, grotesque images and

Unruly thoughts pull at my sanity

And question my humanity.

I perform my rituals like a well-rehearsed dance.

Curtains open, a waft of orchestral music fills the stage.

I am burdened with the knowledge that I’m merely a puppet,

The bourgeoisie of my life holds the strings.

She takes control of my body, my spirit.

I will not be forced to learn this ungodly dance!

I dance.

I am no longer the conductor of my own symphony.

Curtains close and I am left with nothing more than a shadow of myself.