my bf's mother, my future mother in-law is pure evil.
I am aware of the fact that this is a comon problem and I may seem exagurating but, we live in her house and it is not making my melt down any worse.
3 weeks ago, my hard working bf left a little mess in the kitchen so she started yelling at me calling me names and spent 4 hrs trying to break our door down untill my bf came home and called the cops.
She threatened me constantly, drove the two of us to seek shelter and live with a crazy drug addict, we ;were homeless, and I got raped twice becuase of her threats and my bf had enough and decided to uproute us to New-York.
So during the 8 months we have left, he demands we live in her house to save money.
while he's at work, i don't get out of the room. Not even to use the bathroom and I have to put up with the piles of hate she dumps on me trying to talk him into leaving me, sleep in a seprate room.
Of course he does whatever he can to protect me. Any time she hurts me he rains down on her like an angry bull but this whole situation is drivig a wedge between us.
I was always loved, and I am very sensitive to negative vibes, and her negative vibes are making me even more depressed.
Im back to drinking, mixing beers and prescription pain meds.
I don't talk, don't do anything, I am supposed to lose weight by our wedding in aug and I just eat junk and not go to the pool.
My bf is going down with me, since I don't talk, at all. And he sees me depressed like never before and has no idea whats going on with me.
His mother's yelling and negitivaty triggers rape flashbacks for me.
I have so many strong depressing feelings wearing me down, and I can't share them with anyone.
I wrote to ,my bf, saying I need him to just listen to me, let me say whats on my mind without him trying to fix me. Cause that just makes me angry.
I know it sounds stupid but I wish someone would show sympathy, agree with me. Tell me that I have been through horrible things, ecknowlage the fact that yes, life has been cruel to me.
I quit therapy because the therapists I had were so judgemental. apperently you can't be suffering from ptsd and have a positive outlook on life, and now that I am in the dumps. I don't need them having a feild day.
Therapy ruined my life, so that ship has sailed.
Sometimes I wish I was still a drug addict, atleast I wouldn't care. But I got clean and have been clean for a while. I can't even get myself to abuse my phsyc meds. Just not my charecter, to use substances as an escape.
Even the drinking I mentioned earlier, well I only tried that 3 times. It felt great but I can't get my self to drink often. Just doesn't sit well with me. I hate the smell, I hate the taste…..
So I hope my bf calls and we talk and I unload. I just can't really look foward to anything I don't see a light.
I was never depressed in my life. And this, this feels like quick sand.
I dread going back home and be under the same roof with the she devil.
Even though, I know this sounds petty, but I plan on having the two of us smoking alot of cigs, with the window closed….that drives her crazy hehe