Brittini really shocks me more and more every single day with all of the little things she does.  Yesterday, she made me realize something about myself that I had never thought true.  I worry too much about what other people think.  I used to think that I truly didn't give a .fuck what other people though, but that's not the case at all.  I always talk about how unlikely we must seem to some people and there are times when I think she could do so much better than me.  When she asks why I feel that way, I always tell her that it's because she's in the Navy and a surgical tech and her family and friends most likely don't see me as a fit husband for her.  While she's currently in Italy working and building her military career, I'm sitting here rotting in a downward spiral.  Collection agencies, kicking alcoholism, work-related stress, trying to save the money to go see her, dealing with the horrid fact that I live at my parents' house against my will.  These are qualities that no woman should have to expect from a man.  I feel like being myself is not good enough for her, despite how much she tells me she loves me.  When I met her grandmother, she refused to acknowledge me.  I don't have the body of a military guy, nor the income.  There's so much about me that I hate only because I'm scared of how her family is going to look at us.  All of her exes are the exact opposite of me and her family loved them.  I feel like such a failure knowing that they're comparing me to her ex fiance.  He was .fucking military poster boy and I'm shit.  I sit at a desk for 30 hours a week and then turn around and give 90% of it to the debt collectors.  Just what the hell am I?  Sometimes, I really wonder what the hell I'm doing here.

Anyway… She loves me and that's all that matters, right?  I just wish I could love myself a little more.

  1. LaLuna 15 years ago

    Took the words right out of my mouth!! But you know what? Fuck them!! You are marrying her because she loves you and you her. You are not marrying her family. My inlaws dislike me… so f-ing what!!!!!!! For Easter, my husband went to eat with the family and I went to church (and didn't burst into flames) by myself.

    Focus on her, not the family that stands behind her, don't look past her and allow them to override the love you have for her and more importantly, the love she has for you!

    Rest easy Kupkake~~ you are among friends


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  2. seekacu2 15 years ago

    I totally agree with the previous comments. Don't be so hard on yourself. Never forget that you are unique and gifted.  Focus on the positive. Don't take anything personally. You are blessed to have a fiance' that truly loves you. I wish only the best for you Scot. If you'd like to chat, just drop me a line.  

    Take care,


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  3. cherishchae 15 years ago

    just want to let you know she loves you unconditinally.  No matter what. I belive love will conqure all and god. anyway i think nobody gets along with their in laws. Only in time they will see all the beauty that you posses inside of you. Just be true to yourself and keep your chin up.  good luck.

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  4. angels5888 15 years ago

    i agree with all the below, and if u read your own blog, you will notice something, if they were all so great, then why are they her ex'es, you sound like me a few years back, but, hell , her family doesnt matter is her opinion is what counts, sure we wished everyone liked us, but you know so what if they dont, dont brown-nose yourself for anybody, like i tried with my ex in laws, its not worth it believe me,lool, they kept calling me by his ex-wife's name, and kept her pics up, what an buzz kill, right, so just wory about, you, and not about them ok, you will do finei had to prove myself to soo many ppl in my life, and im just tired of it, so dont repeat my mistakes ok, good luck, and huggggssssss

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