Hi Everyone!
Its been a while since I have posted or been active here and I hope everyone is doing well. I have been in treatment and have definitely made progress but also still have a ways to go.
A while back I had bad BDD but it seemed to have subsided when my contamination fears took over. Yesterday something happened that has brought a bit of it back and I wanted to write for some help.
Basically this all started when because of my high dose of lexapro I started to clench my teeth at night. because of this I started to noticed my front tooth was getting little chips in it. I bought a mouth guard but then could not wear it because I was scared it was contaminated or that I wouldn't be able to sleep with it in. Anyway its been bothering me a little but yesterday I bit on a fork while eating and got a bit of a bigger chip. My bf said it is hardly noticeable but I can't stop thinking about. I feel scared to smile and go out because I fear I look hideous.
I am also feeling very mad at myself for biting down on the fork and not being more careful. I would go to the dentist and get it fixed but I am scared that I will then obsess about the change in the tooth.
As I am writing I realize this all sounds a little silly which might be a good thing that I realize this. Still any suggestions or thoughts? Thanks.
P.S I am also fearing that now I am a different person than I have been and so everything good that happened is now void. I feel like my relaitionship with my bf will now end because of this because I am not who he fell in love with.
I was nervous my treatment would make me different to the point my wife would leave me. Thankfully, being honest about my fears and obsessions with my doctor and my wife have helped me deal with the OCD (and my wife and I are closer than ever since). Since you are already in treatment, I would just suggest you let your doctor/therapist know about any new obsessions/compulsions and get her/his input. I have new obsessions that develop and old ones that resurface now and then – talking with my doctor has helped me manage things during those times and also made those instances appear less often (and remain for a shorter period of time).
I hope this helps.
Thanks Neil, this does help. I am going to see him tomorrow and talk about it.
Flowergirl, I feel your pain, I really really do. I have BDD too, latley its been with my body, but I've also started a bit of Trichotillamania, obsessing over every tiny hair all over my body. I know its painful, to be so terrifiied and even disgusted with yourself, but the best I can say is if you're not seeing a therapist, it sounds like YOU MUST before things get even worse. Just remember that things YOU see on yourself, others RARLEY ever see, or even give a shit. That's what I try to say to myself and it really does help. No body walks around with an airbrushed body and flawless teeth, hair, and everything else, If they do, they usually look like freaks, because HUMANS don't look FLAWLESS, its the flaws that give what is called human beauty, unless you like that Mars Attacks girl look, or that Paris Hilton knock off look. I see that you paint and draw, use this artisitc talent of yours to help see the beatuy in yourself, in being a human woman with blood. Or better yet, look at any portraits from the old masters, or more recent painters like the pre-rapheilte brotherhood. The women in these paintings look alien to the women who you see on those scuzzy magazine covers in the shop rites, why? Because who better understands and knows beauty than a visual artist. These portraits show the women's imperfections, they're love handles, their messy hair, their pale skin (which for me was helpful to see because I'm pale and nowadays, being pale is a desgrace), and look at the faces of these women, They are so beautiful and glowing in their own skin. They have no make-up they have unique facial features, some are chubby, some are too skinny, but they;re all beautiful.
One thing that I WILL warn you about is buying those ridiculolous magazines…those awful magazine that make everything with two legs and a female part look like they're expected by men to look like these fake, alien, plastic, bimbo creatures whose ONLY purpose is to please men and inject as much plastic substances as possible. Those are awful magazines for ANY woman to read, and how many magazine for men do you see like that, besides playboy and Maximm? NONE. Men don't torment themselves with these unrealistic standards and neither do you or myself. I hope this helps you. Hang in there girl.