I love my step brother alot, he’s like living with a best friend- yes we argue, we annoy each other to hell but we are still firends half an hour later. we go out places together, we can just sit & talk somtimes n its great. i also know he always has my back, & he truly does care about me. When he turns into ‘big brother’ mode n gets over pretective it makes me laugh but inside it makes me really smile to know he’s protecting me even though there’s only 3-4 months between us. he’s like my twin.
but my step mother & step sister are the apitomy of hell manifested. I hate them so deeply i hurts. i cant not stand to be around them, i have never met anybody capable of making me feel so isolated, useless, unworthy, ugly and stupid with out even opening their mouths. they have this unique ablity to ignore and disregared everything i say. they are so envoloved in each others life there is no room for anyone else. they look so alike, they act, talk, eat & dress alike. it makes me feel so alienated and unwanted. Kate [the step mother] never really listens to me, but will drop everything for anita or ross [my step brother], but she couldnt give a fuck about me.
My elder brothers angus  & anthony  arnt at home, Ant lives in the next village about 10 mins away, and angus is at univesity. they are both so happy now. Anita lives with her boyfriend 15 mins away. but Kate n her have this unbreakable, unpenitrable bond that constricts and isolates me.
My dad is away alot, and even when he is here he has such a weak backbone he’d never stand up to kate. he’d never do anything if i told him how i feel. both Kate & my dad found out about my rape, about my self harming. but they just glaze over it. THEY DONT CARE. they dont want to care. they are so wrapped up in their own lives, n kates so wrapped up in anita.
there is no room for me.
i dont want to be here anymore, theres just no point. i spend my life crying n cutting in my room. or getting wasted to take away the pain.
& when im with friends or at school its my only esacpe but its not really becasue school is so hard. i struggle to get up in the mornings let alone do 2000 word essay for Art which used to be my greatest pleasure in life n now i hate it. i jst dont see the point.
i cant see why im still here.