Last night I had the strangest dream. I arrived at a party with a friend I don't really have in real life. (Let's face it–I don't really do *friends* anymore)She was a young, pretty African American girl whose older brother was throwing the party. I didn't know anyone there, but that was okay. It was a friendly environment. A lot like I remembered a couple of early parties I'd been to in my late teens–everyone had a very open, welcoming attitude. People were just having a good time, hoping to make new friends. Then I see my ex there (THE EX, as in the fist love/shattered my heart and sanity)–only he's not actually my ex in the dream. I know him for who he is, but he's only meeting me for the first time.

He shows up in the middle of me having a great time with these new people and I was pleasantly surprised to see a familiar face–even if he doesn't know me back. He seems to know everyone there–this is his crowd that I've stumbled upon by accident.All of a sudden, he spending the entire evening catering to my needs–getting me drinks, escorting me through crowded rooms, generally sticking close to my side and being the witty, charming guy I fell for the first time we'd met.

At the end of the night, he asks me to come home with him (I apparently needed a ride). I'm outside in the wee hours, just before sunrise, sitting on the hood if his truck and he runs inside to get something before we go. While I'm sitting there, staring at the house he'd gone back into, I think to myself "This is it. I could change the course of my life by walking away now. He's charming and cute now, but you know it's all for show. You know what he is.Change thefuture. Change everything from here on out."

I watch him come out of the house, with that excited bounce in his step thatpeople have when they're with this new, amazing person. Me. *I'm* his new amazing person. He asks me if I'm ready to go.I slide off the hood of his truck and say:

"Sorry, this is a really bad idea." He looks puzzled and disappointed, but I tell him goodbye.

I woke up feeling a little disappointed that I really can'tgo back in time and change the course of my life. If only it was that easy. Go back. Choose something better. Fearlessly walk away from things that just. don't. work.

 

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