Slept in too late again, blah. Must. Stop. That.
Even after I got up entirely too late, I was still tired. I know it's because I'm depressed and out of shape but dang.
I'm feeling lazy but I know that I gotta get up and work out. I'm doing well, I can't stop now because I'm in a bad mood.
Feeling more independent in regards to the ex. My Gram told my Mom today entirely out of the blue that I'm pretty. It made me smile, she hasn't told me that I'm pretty or cute in so long. It's hard being a cute little kid and then growing up into something…eh, not so cute… The compliment was genuine and very much needed.
This angered my ex, of course, because he doesn't "get that reaction when I tell you you are". Of course not, he thinks everything that moves is pretty. And once, when he was attempting to get me to lower my guard and my standards, he told me that I wasn't the "prettiest girl he ever saw". He tried to explain by saying that he knows he's not the sexiest guy but you are who you are.
That isn't how you make your depressed, insecure girlfriend feel better… And it never occured to me to really check out other guys. Sometimes I wonder if I'm broken. =/
Oh well, I'm learning to appreciate some of my oddities rather than dislike them. I'm a geek, a total daydreamer, an introvert, and yes — hopelessly devoted when in a loving, healthy relationship. Abornormal or no, I like that about myself.
What I dislike, though, is my temper. I hate that my ex said and did things that he later wants to brush off or put a spin on. He doesn't even realize he's doing it but I'm the one who is delusional. It's one thing for a guy to do that on purpose, it's another for him to truly believe the lies he tells. You can be angry at both but you haven't a shot in hell at getting through to the latter.
I'm getting ever closer to just pulling the plug entirely. Give me time and then I'll be truly on my own. I may not have the guts to cut him off now but I'm working up to it.