"remember we used to dance and everyone wanted to me you and me?  i want to be, too.  what day is this besides the day you went, babe.  what day is this besides the day you left?  so what to do with the rest of today's afternoon.  isn't it strange how we change everything we did.  did i do all that i could?  that i should have done?"

 my ex-girlfriend who left me to go back to her abusive spouse told me that she loves me and that she misses me.  as long as i've been waiting for her to say that to me, i don't know if i believe her or not.  i'm afraid of getting hurt again. 

 this thanksgiving was the first without my friend, Joey.  he commited suicide in March of this year and it's been a cold year ever since.  Then, in late August, my sister gave birth to her son 3 and a half months early.  He held on for about 10 hours and then, at around 5 that morning, he passed.  A day later, Lois Eagle, who raised me and my friend Chris for all of his life and half of mine, died.  Then, two weeks ago, Pam Bradshaw whom I went to the same church with ever since I was a baby, died.  Summer of this year, I found out that an old friend from high school, Donnie, had died as well. 

 I no longer deliver pizza or chicken wings.  I decided that it was about time I threw myself in the rat race of contemporary American society.  I work in a nursing home and am only preparing myself for the worst.  The hardest thing about working in an assisted living facility is getting too close to the residents when you know good and well that they're soon to pass.  it's rough, but all in all it's a good job with good pay and good benifits.

that's all i have for today.  thanks for reading.



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