All I want to do is give up. It’s not a thought that comes and then goes. It’s a thought that has settled and festered in my mind, in my soul. I don’t know how to get past it. When I was a young girl, my Mom told me…”No matter what, you will always be unhappy about something”  Many years later, I pretty much have been in that space. Yes there are things that actually attribute to my depression that I have no control of, but this has always been me. The girl who now is a Woman who walks around with the sad face. I’ve never  talk to anyone on how I’ve  felt, tried once with a Therapist. I have always kept everything on the inside.  I’ve been walking in this shadow of myself for too long. Being this way has kept me from living. Not living to the point where, I’ve never been in love. I’ve never had a best friend, barely had close friends in general. Bottling up everything has consumed me, covered me. At this point I don’t know what to do, I can’t say I love myself, or Like myself. My emotion aren’t up and down, they are pretty much down all the time …from week to week. I don’t know how to push through. I don’t know how to rise above. Most of my time other than being at work, or spent to myself. Even then when I’m at work, I pretty much keep to myself. I’ve learned through my life how to be around a room full of people, and still feel alone. I’m tired of people looking at me with the “So Sorry” face. Every now and then there’s a moment short lived where I have pushed through….and it’s amazing. It never last long, the me who’ve I have become always finds her way back 🙁

1 Comment
  1. emmie499 3 years ago

    VLASHON, I relate to your post. You aren’t alone. Here is you ever want to talk.

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