So today, I managed to think I was happy, at least for a little while. I guess that is generally how my days go. I woke up on time.. which was great, I had time to straighten my hair and make sure I didn't look completely horrible. Then I spilled coffee all over myself, still… didn't even let that bother me, I just changed clothes and that was that.. I had finished my homework yesterday so I was in no real rush to do anything this morning.. but eh. I always feel rushed. Anyways, for an hour or so at school things were fine, I had my first class with my sister and that went by pretty quick cause my teacher is hilarious. But after that things just went wrong. I couldn't pay attention, my contacts hurt my eyes, people would STOP TALKING TO ME. I'll admit I had fun in my last class, but that was only because by the end of the day I am able to push stupid things from the whole day to the back of my mind and ignore them. To make matters worst my ex keeps hitting on me.. and he knows I really cared about him.. Long story short the most recent time we dated he didn't talk to me at all for 5 days, and when I dumped him he tried to blame it on me. I tried not to eat lunch today because I need to lose weight, but I ate.. and now I feel horrible, and I'm hating myself pretty bad for it.. but I guess all I can really do is make sure not to eat dinner tonight and try harder not to eat lunch tomorrow.. I'm really trying to make sure I lose some weight. I want to lose at least 15 pounds.. and then I gotta maintain weighing 105.. Exactly 105. I have to keep the number right.. Me and my paranoia about numbers. Not exactly paranoia, but there are certain numbers I don't like. When concerned with my weigh, I want something that ends with 5 or 0. So it's either exactly 100 or exactly 105. So I guess it's 105.. as soon as I can manage to lose the weight.. ._. Ugh.. whatever, I wish I could just go to sleep now.

1 Comment
  1. Mcksnug 11 years ago

    I read your post and it brought me back to my school years. I was an athlete and keeping my weight under control was very important, even though I never had a weight problem. I also had a number issue, everything had to occur in threes or multiple of threes. That problem gradually improved. When I went to college, weight was even more important. I was weighed everyday by my coach and I became more obsessed with it. I gained 5 pounds, then I started restricting food to the point of almost dying. Yes, it is okay to be concerned about your weight, but please, don't let it overwhelm you. I speak from experience. If you do feel it's out of control at any time, please get help, and the sooner the better.

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