We’re at that time of year where people reflect what happened, the losses and gains, and how they balance out. For me, I feel like I lost more than I gained. It wasn’t until my therapist pointed it out did I realize how much I’ve lost this year. I’ve lost my trust in pepole, my faith that not everyone I’ll ever encounter isn’t going to burn me, I’ve lost people in my family that forced me to cut them out of my life because of actions I can’t forgive or excuse. This wasn’t the year I wanted not in the slightest. I didn’t want the year I published my first book to be a year where I relapsed into a depression and am barley coming out of the bad place I was in. My family betrayed me by rejecting the very person I am by dismissing me as an author. It’s pretty unbelievable when your family would support an accidental getting pregnant more than they would support a career choice. My once large family has diminished to virtually nothing, my only friend I had I’ve removed from my life after the years he was gaslighting me. Making me believe I was to blame for all things I wasn’t doing and made me feel I had to depend on him. I never thought the people  not speaking to anymore would ever be out my life but I just could never forgive or trust them again. Being that sick again everything was touch and go for a while. I just want to feel human again, but I’m not pushy for a speedy recovery just recovery at its own pace. I have to heal in my pace, in my own way. I survived my depression one I can surely do it again. I just don’t ever want to be this sick again. That’s my goal for 2018 so fingers crossed and good luck to everyone else fighting out there.

2 Comments
  1. cajejb1998 3 years ago

    This has truly been a very difficult year for me as well–it’s been a while since I struggled this much. But congrats on your book, I think that is awesome!!!! You stick with it and do what you love. I’m determined to make 2018 a better year and I pray it is for you as well.

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  2. abimae802 3 years ago

    First off, i do send my regards on your losses. As well as this… Me and you, for example. Have gone through similar things, but they will never be the same. If you ever feel the need to talk, I am willing to talk. You seem like you have gone through an awful lot. Maybe I could help… 🙂

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