I am currently living a nightmare!
First day back at work today after 20 days off sick – only 2 weeks of a notice period left. Yesterday, I felt OK – calm, chilled, relaxed. Even sorting out tax returns was OK. Went to bed at midnight – and was still awake at 4am – getting stressed, imagining conversations I'd have with colleagues, feeling angry, feeling sad….. Woke up before the alarm at 6:45am, and was all over the place. Stressed, shaking, feeling sick / retching. Got into work for 9am – and thought no, its OK, I can do this. Felt calm / focussed.
Picked up my tax return again (well, didn't actually fancy doing much work as I am leaving!), and then noticed some information I needed to get. Ended up going to the bank at lunchtime, getting increasingly wound up – to the point of bursting into tears when speaking to the cashier. Thank god she was nice!!! In fact she was fantastic – must remember to take in a box of chocolates as a thankyou. She got me away from the other customers, got me some water, got the person I needed to speak to on the phone, and talked me through it. The only explanation I managed to give her was "I'm having a bad day, and this is a final straw!). I'm crying even as I write this now. Anyway – got what I needed and then text my boss to say I'm going home. (didn't wait for the answer coz whats he going to do about it?!)
I never knew stress was this bad. Had anxiety patches in my life, but this feels so different. I feel like I have lost my personality – I'm known as the laidback, takes everything in my stride, pro-active, don't sweat the small stuff person I have become someone who is quick to have a go at people, lacks confidence and a bit of a quivering wreck.
On a positive note, I got a phone call when I got home, and have been shortlisted for a job, and going for an interview next Monday.