I am reading the other blogs on here and finding comfort knowing that I am not the only one who suffers, and I am thinking good thoughts in hopes that everyone here and myself will start to feel better.. Although I don't accept comments, I am hoping my story will bring some help to others. That is what we are all here for.
I heard from K, of course almost 24 hrs later since his phone rarely sends texts as they are sent. I told him I had a stressful week and he told me a joke to cheer me up. That was really cute. K is so corny and strange I dont know why I love him, yet that is what is so endearing. I just DO love him and I want to get over him since we can't be together. Time and time again I have tried to view K as I view my friend C… C and I are friends with chemistry and I only see him about once or twice a year. Our friendship is no-strings, yet amazing because we talk online or spend time talking when we see eachother. I am truly thankful for C, but he is never around, and that's not his fault. We never really dated… I never fell in love with him… I wanted things to be the same with K. But they can not be. I loved K then and I love him now and I always will love him. I just can't stand the stress around it. How do I tell K that PART of my stressful days and weeks have been because of him? I can't.
I read on here about a woman who has been reclusive for the last few years and I am trying to do the same. I know how hard it is to live out there, and frankly, I can't do it. I am too sick. Depression and mental illness is a sickness, we are not crazy and we don't want it, just as she said. I applaud anyone who can understand, but the truth is the only ones who CAN understand have gone through it themselves. Everyone else just doesn't get it. They can't know what it's like because it's just foreign to them. This disease doesn't show itself the way others do. But it can still make us just as ill. And I've found that my depression makes me physically ill too. I eat too much or in the past, not enough. I drink too much. I can't sleep, I cry… I feel strain all over my body. Depression is NOT just in the head, it's all over the body. So anyone here who feels that way, you are right. And you're not alone.