My symptoms are clearing up a bit. Or – I have accepted them to the point I can't tell the difference lol.
Today is my birthday. A day of reflection….of celebration. I've struggled for more than a few years with the rejection of my family and zero communication on days like my birthday You see I am " the crazy one". Its a two way street tho – I had to cut them out because they were still being abusive well beyond my childhood years.
Anywho; I have this inner child who feels very sad that they don't acknowledge me or today. I try to let the feelings flow thru me and then let them go.Its been a long Fing road to get here.. Also, I have a fantastic partner, loving in-laws, and several close friends. BTW klonopin tastes just like chicken 😀
What makes me grateful today is: Last night I went to a home card game (poker – yes I can leave the housefor that lol) All men except for my partner and me. Halfway thru the night; these burly menwhipped out a gorgeous birthday cake and sang me happy birthday. I had to hide the fact that I was getting choked up I was so touched and grateful. It was a healing gesture they knew nothing about.
I grew with a horrid, tramatic childhood and have done TONS, YEARS of work to get where I am now. That I am touched by a knid gesture instead of clinically depressed about my Bday, or minimizing it, or burying my head under the covers -unable to face anyone oranything – is a miracle. That I am alive is a miracle. That my skin/face is holding up at 46 years old is a miracle lol.
I will go to my mental health club house today and an adventure to a casino after that. ( I would say i have a gambling problem but I dont have enough $ to support that habit lol) I am excited, grateful Ive been able to leave the house these past two days, and happy to be alive. My anxiety disorder can kiss my *ss.
Thanks for listening.