So I got my music playing. The Weepies, The World Spins Madly On. I can't sleep. Stressed out. Seems since my daughter was born, I hardly sleep and hardly take care of myself. I love her to death and I am terrified of screwing up. For some reason I get these waves of saddness or just completely breakdown mode. I feel like I am messing up at times – especially when she cries. I just find it so difficult to let her cry. I read a ton of stuff that it's not good for the brain development if you let a baby cry. I understand that babies cry, it's what they do. But it makes me nervous and upset too. I love her and just want the best for her. I try to keep it together, but night time is just when it all goes to crap. Paranoia kicks in like hell. I get nervous that someone from my past might show up and try to take away my family or myself. Then sometimes, it creeps in my head – I wish my life was over. I don't actually want my life to be over though, the thought just creeps in and terrifies me. I would never do it I think though – I would never leave my daughter or fiance. I just couldn't do that to them – no matter how miserable I might be at times – I just can't abandoned them. I just can't. But yet the thoughts creep in my head and all I can do is cry and wait for timet to pass. My body shakes a lot at night lately – it's frustrating. It's like it goes into shut down mode. I try to clean, only to be clumsy as hell from being shaky – which then stresses me out. I wake up sweaty as hell from nerves and stress. I vomit or have diaharrea (sorry for the image) when I have down time because it's a relief from the stress. I don't have my next doctors appointment for four more weeks. I am going to see if I can get in sooner – I need to figure a way out of these emotions and feelings. It's not healthy. I know that. But I feel stuck.
Related Articles
-
Just don't know
snowdreamer, , Depression, Depression, Sleep Disorders, 0
Ok, I've been told blogging will be good for me to get thins out of my head and on...
-
Are you a man or a mouse? I’m a queer!
NeutralLemon, , Anxiety, Depression, LGBT, Marriage & Family, ADHD, Anxiety, Depression, Lesbian, Gay, LGBTQ, Sex Therapy, 1
Hi! So let me get started here and introduce myself first before I ramble about part of my life...
-
The sequel to the previous blog
strawberrygashes, , Depression, Anxiety, 0
THIS GOES OUT TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT CUTTERS GO THRU… OR TO THE PEOPLE WHO...
-
Day 3
angie521, , Depression, Anger, Anxiety, Sleep Disorders, 0
Well another day down…..I took all of my meds for today and now only have to take the bed...
-
Driftvalley
sab, , Depression, Anxiety, Career, Depression, Grief, 0
Its been a long time , many ups and downs. My immediate problem stems from the fact that i...
-
When I told my mom….
depressednstressed, , Depression, Anxiety, Depression, Schizophrenia, 0
Well some of you read my most recent blog explaining how I was going to tell my mom. She...
-
I'd Rather Lead Than Follow
DanBousho, , Depression, Weight Loss, 1
You know, I chose to use my real name here because I'm proud that I've overcome my moods. I...
-
Confused
blah, , Depression, Grief, Sex Therapy, Sexual Abuse, Sleep Disorders, 0
Can’t sleep. Gotta be up in a few hours to work, but sleep won’t come. I lay here in...
0 Comments