So I'm cold, tired, feeling like crud and my headphones aren't working right. That may not seem like much of a deal except I pretty much need music. It helps clear my head. All day I've been feeling like curling into a little ball. Woke up super late, I think my cat had already started attacking me, I was so dizzy I didn't want to get up and it just got worse from there. Well the dizzy thing went away but I've just been feeling worse and worse as the day went on. Most of the time I feel like I'm completely alone surrounded by strangers. They're my family yet they know so little about me. It doesn't help that we're all our own little worlds. As if we're all different universes and, as anyone who's seen sci fi movies would know, you don't cause any meeting between them. Only bad things seem to happen. As of August it had been 2 years since I've had insurance and as far as I can tell that's not going to change anytime soon. I really need to get to some doctors, though. All sorts of medical and mental problems. Obviously being here I have depression but I also have insane anxiety problems. They pretty much go hand in hand don't they? And I use the word feel a lot in my blogs because I can't use it in real life. No one really cares how anyone else feels so I just don't bother them with it. I have managed to not actually feel much anymore. Took a long time. If only I could get rid of the loneliness and fear and emptyness. They all seem to swirl together and I hate it. It seems like every day it just gets worse. Im thoroughly convinced nothing will get better. There's even been chances but I can't take them and no one else seems interested. The only thing I'm adaquate at is typing and my fears prevent me from doing anything with that. I have no job, almost no privacy, no hope and no plans for the future. I just wish it would all go away. Or I go away. At this point either one is a good option.

1 Comment
  1. mikey77 12 years ago

    What about getting a little dog to take care of. Something to help you to think of something or someone else. It is helping me. You probably won't want to but if it is allowable in the place you live it may help you. Also, I'll say a prayer for you. My prayers are with very, very little faith but somehow, maybe it will help.

    Keep kicking and don't give up.


    0 kudos

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