My therapist tels me i am too intense…"tone it down." ie., "you are too much".
Once again; i am unacceptable the way I am. The treatment team is trying to make me mor "normal".
More meds that dull my senses. More life [email protected] hitting thefan that I have hard time dealing with.
I feel like droppig ot of life…..depressed for the firsttime in months.
It just keeps going this "treatment". I am sick of it.
I am spending the weekend by myself doing artwork. I am getting sick of doing artwork….its lonely and i dont know how to express all this diissapointment in my life. All this despair at how my family of origin just totally SCEWED ME UP.
Will i ever get "unscrewed"?
I am lonely, bored, dissatisfied with my home life. I am raising a 10 week old puppy for my partner. She thinks its "ours" but i feel no bond with this puppy. I am doing potty training and babysitting every free moment while she goes off to work thinking i am having a ball.
I love my Jack dog who is now blind.
The whole housevhas been disrupted and its all my fault because i wanted another dog…..come to find ot….I don't.
The dog sleeps with me on the couch…the oly bond we ave as i spend most of te day yelling "NOOO DONT DO THIS/THAT.
I am going to try and get ot of this place today and take a field trip out in the world. My interactions ith people have not been very positive lately. People are self serving and manipulative.
i feeel like i need a vacation….to run away….but there is no where to go.
I don't expect any comments on this blog. I am just trying to put it "dwn on paper".
There is ultmately no answer gfor ""why" and it doesnnt change anything anyway.
I am sick of the therapy. i am sick of the constont striving to be "better" and "change". First they tell you you are fine the way you are and then they tell you to change.
Will my dreams evr come true? Do i have the innner strength to make them happen. Or, will i just go on "surviving" alone….ght for the past 29 fing years to stay sober and deal with my mental illess…Its getting old…and i am tired.
I sleep and sleep only to wake up and find myself depressed again.
New psych meds…..wacking my brain chemistry and throwing me off. Ids this a consequence o more meds or life siations?
I have n answers. I want to sleeep my lif away because i am not suicidal…I jst want an escape.