When you’re at the bottom, you always seem to look at the top. You want to be a strong woman when your weak, and strangely enough, you want to be weak when you have too much strength. I wish I was weak enough to call for help. I wish I was weak enough to doubt myself. But I feel like I’ve made myself stronger than I am, more stubborn than I should. I used to tell myself to be stronger to face all the wrong in my life. I used to tell myself to be stronger when I was so deep down in the dark, to face the music when it came chasing after me. I used to tell myself, get stronger and stand up, and tell yourself that all this pain won’t affect you. I gotta do it. I gotta do it. I better stand up and face myself. I better be strong so I don’t let anyone see me cry. I better stop being so much like me, and start being more of what I need to be. But now, I feel as if my strength is consuming me. I’m no longer weak and failing. I’m dying standing up, like a strong woman should. I’m dying, but I know I’m dying with knowing. Because you know, if I was weak I don’t think I would know or feel as much as I want to.
You know, when you’re at the bottom, you always seem to look at the top. But only have I realised now how much you want to fall down when you climb to the very top. When I asked for strength, I got it. But sometimes strength makes you dare to feel things someone weak would never feel.