I want to be something. I don't entirely understand my need to write things down. But one thing I notice is that I constantly have to check myself before I type something down – is it truthful? am I dramatizing it? am I trying to make it sound vague or something anyone could say?

I want to write, for myself. And I doubt that anyone who read this would be helped, but that would be a nice bonus.

I woke up today at 7:30 with Jacob, and went to make some green tea for us while he took a shower. When he got out, he chopped some red and green peppers and I grabbed a yogurt with granola. We headed over to feed the guinea pigs, which are still nameless (though I still want to name the little darter Hermes). After much running around, we got them to take a few bites, and put them back in their cage with their food. I really got a calm feeling petting the cow-print one, with the little black head and white stripe going down its nose.

Forced Jacob to take a banana to work with him, wrote a couple of things on facebook, then found this place. From my history of commitment to treatments, I don't know how long I'll be here for. Why should I want to read about my sad day again? And who else would want to?

I'm feeling hopeless… is that a mood option? ..oh, no, it isn't. Oh well.

I have to get some online school courses done for the end of the year, but I am afraid to get them started. I'm so scared. I wish I had someone with me to just sit beside me and not judge the speed I was working at.. just someone to be there to keep me from getting scared.

I'm scared.