I feel as though my motto should be "Familiarity breeds contempt". I've noticed that after years of friendship, I eventually grow frustrated and sick of people. Why is that? Is it a normal thing or do I have some kind of personality flaw that makes me want to sabatage my connections with other people? Their personalities seem to become overwhelmingly intolerable to me. Is that because I'm becoming more myself and outgrowing them or is it because I'm just that intolerant?
One friend I no longer speak to was never that wonderful a person to begin with–I knew that from the get-go, but she was really a friend to kick back and have fun with–nothing best-friendy going on there. Eventually I could no longer ignore things I was disgusted by. I ended up becoming brutally honest with her a few times and neither of us has had the urge to call eachother for the past 4 months.
Not all my friendships are like that though. She was a special case, I guess. I really did try to look past her gross personal habits, chronic laziness/lateness, and dead-beat mothering skills because I was loathe to be judgmental. Truth is, I can't stand it when people claim that they "don't judge" at ALL. Judgment is not a bad word; it's a natural survival tactic. I'm not going to ask the crazy-eyed, urine-funky hobo to hold my purse for me at the bus stop to prove to the world that I'm non-judgemental.
Not wanting to be judgemental has mutated into a lack of good judgement where chosing friends is concerned, and now these friends are dropping away like flies as my life keeps changing.
Even my old mentor has begun to rub me the wrong way lately. He's 20 years my senior and recently referred to me as a "misguided youth" because I expressed my love for a movie he claimed was a thin plot disguised with "bells and whistles of pure spectacle". Then he tops it off with: "Have I taught you nothing?"
I nearly told him to blow it out of his ass, but reconsidered out of my desire to preserve good connections (I still use him as a job reference and he's been helping me with my book…etc…) But still, how condescending can you be, you pretentious boob? Misguided youth? I'm a thirty year old woman, not some eighteen year old kid impressed by some literary fuddy-duddy telling me how superficial my tastes are. Spare me the bullshit, please. Get over yourself.
My fiance said I was overreacting–that The Doc probably didn't mean it in a nasty way. Yeah, I probably am–hormones raging and all, but that doean't make my irritation any less valid. Why do people in my life have to suck in the end? Where does accepting the flaws of others become settling for bullshit? Maybe I shouldn't think the week before my time of the month… Things tend to make a terrible sense.