I'm sampling new indie music, which I love when I find really good songs. Right now I am listening to something weird. His voice…yeah. Moving on.
Since my last group therapy session, I learned I am passive aggressive, even though its no longer classified as a personality disorder, it helps me to understand more about me. But I couldn't find any sites or books that were over $90. And anything that was there was to help people who have to deal with passive aggressive people.
Not all the symptoms I have, but its something I really want to understand more. Because I want to know how to overcome it. I guess I'll bring it up with my therapist. I just hate when people say you can't self-diagnose yourself. Well it was mentioned by my group and I read up on the bit of info I could find and it was strikingly similar to how I deal with things.
Okay, this smoke alarm battery won't shut up. Which is great. It's really driving me up the wall. Like I want to grind my teeth until it stops and throw something.
It stopped and now its back. If it doesn't work, you don't need to keep the batteries in to see that, (stupid brother).
Anyway, I found a gym I'm going to join and I can actually register online which is cool. And its cheap. Which is what I was totally look for in a gym. Exercise is important for a healthy frame of mind. Which I don't have right now. I'm home all the time. I can't walk at night because its dark when I get home from work.
I have a word document opened up to a fanfiction story I'm writing. The story is really interesting. That's not the problem. It's not that I can't write. Its I just don't think I'll ever get it right enough. It will never be good enough. They started fanawards and thought I was nominated by one or two people, which felt nice, I haven't so far this round. And I'm angry at myself for not writing regularly and not coming up with good stories. Which is totally ridiculous. Sometimes I write because I want praise. Others because its the only way to express myself. Writing stories is extremely hard when you want to do it well. I study how to do it well, but I get so overwhelmed and put myself down before I even start, that I don't write for months and I forget where I am in a story. So I hardly update. There is just so much potential there being wasted. And really if I thought I was doing a good job, I wouldn't need others praise. I would be happy with what I wrote. I'm just trying too hard and not staying true to myself. Well I am, but not fully.
Where am I today?
All over the place!