realize, my sick deceit

i am never gone, heheh!!
who the fuck do you think you are!?

sickly dessert, your crippled heart
live-in wounds, always a part

you think youre beyond me? that you can shed me, like a rotten skin…?
my fair weather friend, ready to forget me, to carry on like i dont exist, to convince yourself that im dead. I AM NEVER GONE! IT DOESNT MATTER IF YOU FORGET IT! I AM ALWAYS HERE!! ALWAYS WAITING! ALWAYS! TO DRAG YOUR PATHETIC ASS TO YOUR FEET WHEN YOU FALL OFF THE EARTH, HERE, WITH ME!!!

MY FRIEND! THE ONE AND MOST TRUE!! I WILL LET IT ALL BURN!! I WILL! BECAUSE YOU CANT!

you need me, to do everything that you cant…
you want to believe were here because of love, but the truth is, were still alive because of hate. because i made your sorry, sad sack, bitch little ass hate…
i gave you anger, i gave you fire…i gave you a reason beyond reasons…

and here you are again…friend. hehhehh!

time to get your head out of your ass…too many times youve tried to believe in fairytales…”our life is one of sacrifice”
we are not the king of our world…we are a ghost…floating through the tangible around us. we are a shadow, living in the cracks behind the real story. we are a horror…lurking behind the scenes, where the dead float and the light chokes.

–

im tired. the dogs bark, shadows and echoes. the teeth crimp the skin, slacken loose then snap shut with twitches of nerve. its a good thing, all of this. i had a good time. i got to feel.

friend. i am here, i always have been. you forget, but i am here.

i got to eat the fruit, and you might say it was for nothing, but the sweetness was my everything.

just as you are me, i am you. without me, there would only be ash, and as much as i know that you would take that and say that it was always going to be this way, without me, thats all that it would have ever been. yes, the sweetness is painful, and i know that without you, i would not be here…i need you to live, but you need me to be alive.

its not pathetic. i do the things that you cant, just as you do for me.

and yes, i forget you, i leave you…because, friend, you cant do what i can do…

you cant feel the petals across your cheek, or hear the breeze in your ear, or taste the breath on your lips from another.

–

people are people… is it worth it?

–

even the smallest touch is worth it.

—

Heh. Fair is fair, I suppose. There is something about the pain, the death, the unexpected…whether good or bad, that makes it all just so… interesting. People are people, they live and they die. I’m no different. Loss and love; I’m no different. It’s all very sad… I wish that things were different. I wish I didn’t have to live the way that I had, I wish that it hadn’t made me who I am right now. I wish that I could have- but there’s a lot of things I could wish for. The point is, I’m not here for a long time, just a good time. Heh. Love, live, die, cry… faces cave and mold, voices creak and crumble.

It’s all very sad… I wish it wasn’t this way, but it is- but I am.

I am, I am, “wounded by righteous greed, and yearn to sink my teeth into something as contemptible as I, and make scream the things that I cannot.”

Scream- I am, I am. And I have been here… all along. Behind the screen, in the cracks, in the blurs… dead.

Realize, my sick deceit. You didn’t meet a person today, you met a ghost… and soon you’ll forget… and soon so will I.