SO TODAY WAS THE 2ND DAY OF MY NEW JOB SO I GO AND IN THE MORNING MY TRAINER TELLS ME THAT THEY APPROVED OF ME GETTING MONDAYS OFF AND THAT I CAN WORK FROM 8:00-4:30. SO I’M LIKE YAY!
BUT THAN…..:cursing:
SHE PUT US IN GROUP AND WE HAD TO DO A FAKE COMMERICAL AND PHONE CALL. SO I’M IN A GROUP OF 2 BOYS AND THEY MADE ME DO THE PHONE CALL. I WAS ALL CONFIDENT (NOT COCKY) CUZ I HAVE EXPERIENCE TAKING CALLS SO WHATEVER.
SO THE TRIANER INVITES ONE OF THE SUPERVISOR FROM THE FLOOR TO WATCH AND BE A JUDGE TOO. SO WHATEVER I DO MY PART AND WHEN I FINISHED EVERONE…..
CLAPPED THE WHOLE CLASS WAS LIKE WOW EVEN ONE OF THE GUYS ON MY GROUP WAS LIKE MAN THATS IMPRESSIVE.
BUT OF COURSE WITH MY SHITTY ASS LUCK THE SUPERVISOR GOES OH YOU HAVE TO BE MORE ENTHUSIASTIC MORE HAPPY IT WASN’T ALL THAT GOOD MAYBE IF YOU SOUNDED MORE HAPPY.
OK SO I GOT PISSED OFF CUZ I DID A GOOD JOB AND SOME GUY ON ANOTHER GROUP GOT NERVOUS WHEN IT WAS HIS TURN AND HE JUST GAVE UP ON THE CALL AND THE SUPERVISOR DIDN’T SAY SHIT TO HIM. BUT I WAS LIKE OK WHATEVER LET IT GO BUT THEN WHEN IT CAME TO TELLING US WHO WON HE CHOOSE ANOTHER GROUP AND HE SAYS TO MY GROUP MATES OH IF SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE ENTHUSIASTIC THAN YOU GUYS WOULD HAVE WON.
AFTER THAT I FREAK OUT A MIXTURE OF ANGER AND SADNESS CAME OVER ME. I WANTED TO CUT MYSELF SO BADLY JUST CUT EVERYWHERE. BUT I COULDN’T SO I SCRATCHED BOTH MY ARMS UNDER THE TABLE. I FELT LIKE JUST GETTING UP AND LEAVING JUST QUITTING.
TO MAKE THINGS WORST THE WHOLE DAY THE TRAINER KEPT TALKING ABOUT BEING ENTHUSIASTIC AND PIN POINTING ME OUT THE REST OF THE DAY.
I SOUNDED GOOD POLITE PROFESSIONAL EVERYTHING BUT ITS LIKE THEY WANT ME TO BE LIKE A HIGH CHEERLEADER. LIKE IF I’M DOING DRUGS TYPE OF HAPPY. AND I JUST CAN’T PRETEND TO BE HAPPY ANYMORE …I TRY BUT I JUST CAN’T…FOR NO ONE AND I DON’T DO SHIT THAT WAY I CAN DO MY JOB WITH MY NORMAL VOICE.
SO I CALLED MY BOYFRIEND DURING MY BREAK AND TELL HIM THAT I JUST WANT TO QUIT THAT I WAS RIGHT ABOUT NOT BEING READY TO WORK. ITS NOT THAT I’M LAZY OR JUST WANT TO QUIT OVER ONE DAY BUT I THOUGHT ABOUT IT. I GOT SO UPSET THAT THE FIRST THING THAT CAME TO MY HEAD WAS TO CUT MYSELF I JUST WANTED TO CUT MYSELF & CRY. I NEED TO GET PROFESSIONAL HELP BEFORE I CAN GO OUT INTO THE WORLD. I’M AFRAID OF PEOPLE I DON’T TALK TO NO ONE EXCEPT MY FRIEND WHEN I SAW HER.
BUT SINCE MY BOYFRIEND IS PISSED OFF CUZ HIS JOB ISN’T GOING TO PAY HIM TODAY CUZ HE ISN’T IN THE SYSTEM CUZ THEY HAVEN’T PUT HIM THERE CUZ THEY SUCK ASS. SO HE WAS ALL LIKE OH WHATEVER DON’T QUIT YOU KNOW NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU…BLA BLA HE DIDN’T EVEN TAKE MY SIDE.
BUT WHATEVER I CAME HOME TOLD MY MOM THE STORY AND SHE WAS LIKE WHATEVER. FUCK IT MAN I CAN’T EVEN TALK TO MY MOM ABOUT MY DEPRESSION. WHY CAN’T THEY REALIZE HOW SERIOUS IT IS. BUT OF COURSE WHEN I CUT MYSELF MY BOYFRIEND THROWS A HISSY FIT LIKE A DAMN GIRL.
WELL THEN I’M GONNA SEE WHAT HAPPENS TOMO.
Hey you,
You know what?
“I wanted to cut myself so badly just cut everywhere. I felt like just getting up and leaving just quitting. So I called my boyfriend during my break and tell him that I just want to quit.”
But you didn’t! You didn’t cut and you didn’t run away and you didn’t quit. You got through your first day. I think you should be really proud of yourself.
“I sounded good polite professional everything and I don’t do shit that way I can do my job with my normal voice. Its not that I’m lazy or just want to quit over one day.”
That’s right – you’re not lazy. You’re not a quitter and you can do this work. You did sound good! I’m really glad that you got this job and I know you can stick with it. This illness might make you think you can’t do it and that you are lazy and that you should quit. But that’s the illness talking and you know you can do this!
“Why can’t they realize how serious it is. But of course when I cut myself by boyfriend throws a hissy fit like a damn girl.”
I understand! No one seems to realise how serious it is for me either. My family goes nuts when I stop eating or sleeping, even for one day. I sometimes feel like doing something – anything – to make them notice. I don’t cut but I think I can understand why some people need to. I wish I could open up my head and let them see all the horrible thoughts and feelings of rejection and loneliness. But then I feel ashamed because normal people don’t think horrible things like I do. Somehow I hang in there. I try to remember that this illness is making me think and feel like things are worse than they are. I really hope you can do that too.
Good luck for tomorrow.
Oh my..from the way you spoke about how things went,sounded like your group should have won..largely because of you.
Geez some people sure like to ruin things,huh?That supervisor reminds me of Simon on American Idol..the dick!Some people are too damn fussy that their face looks like their butt..lol.
But you did your best,you know your group should have won and would have deserved that win if you won.
Their loss with be someone elses gain,hun.Dont give up on entering the work force.There are challenging times and they will be good times where you will shine because you know you did well:D
Im sorry your bf and mom just dont seem to understand how you feel inside and why you feel the way you do.I hope they can come to realise how everything affects you..especially those you turn to when you need them most.And when you need them to listen and at least try to understand instead of making you feel awful.
Whatever happened at work today..take that as a battle lost,but the war isnt over yet hun.
Or is it the war lost..lol,Im confused.
But what you did today impressed your fellow collegues.And I think they have more respect and appreciation for you now.
Take care