Thought things would be better today. I finally got his attention for about 30 minutes, then things went back to normal. Apparently his computer is more important then me. The only reason why I'm even on the computer so much lately is because he's always on the computer and I don't know anyone around here still so I can't go out and hangout with anyone. I guess his version of spending time with me is telling me what is going on in the chat rooms that he's on "Oh, this girl I've been talking to for a few months now says that she's in love with me" "All of these girls are messaging me and flirting with me" "I feel so sexy today, so many girls are messaging me asking for sexual favors over the webcam" "I just got flashed by 2 girls in a row"…the list goes on. I DON'T F***ING CARE!! I don't give a *bleep* what those girls are doing. What I find amazing is that you would rather sit there chatting with other girls who have basically started their own little fan club of you, then spend time with me, and then you complain and whine and get angry with me when I constantly ask for attention or do things just to make you angry so that I'll get some damn attention and pull you away from your computer for 5 *bleeping* seconds! You complain about how clingy I am. So sorry if I insist that you get off of your computer and come to the store down the street with me for 10 minutes. So *bleeping* sorry.
I understand that when I'm not working we spend the entire day in the same room, but we don't spend it together. I actually have to message him on his computer to get a word out of him…90% of the time I'm sitting next to him, the other 10% is when he's in the other room, just a door between us.
You got angry and hurt my feelings because I commented on how when you're chatting online, you're just about a completely different person. You're sweet and charming and ya, a flirt, but whatever. And how did you respond? "I'm not the same person because you lied to me when we met. So all of that charm and sweetness went away when you lied to me." Before we moved in together I could hide my crazy because we weren't spending every second of every day together, but once he moved in I had to deal with his problems and he had to deal with mine. He talks about how mature he is and how he only acts immature because he wants to, ok fine. But he's niave! He thinks that all of these adult things are fun! Having a baby (I was prego and then miscarried), he thought that it was all fun and then I got prego and that burst his bubble. He saw the comstant throwing up, the swelling feet, the growing belly, the mood swings, always tired…all that jazz. He thought that living together would be fun, it's not! It's hard work. I don't know if he's just stupid or if he is really that naive that he can't see what goes on behind the scene.
Once I started getting into relationships in high school, I realized that things in relationships aren't easy. You have to be consiterate of other people, you have to talk and listen, you have to support each other, you have to put up with each other's problems. And once I left highschool I realized that things only get harder, but they get better too. I don't think he understands that. I think that he honestly still thinks that relationships are just that the woman takes care of the entire house and just about the entire life while the guy brings home some money and then at the end of the day they sit down, kiss each other and everything is picture perfect. I honestly think that's how he pictures adult relationships to be like.
His parents keep everything behind closed doors. If they argue, it's behind closed doors, if they show love, it's behind closed doors, anything that they do for each other or for themselves is behind closed doors. I was raised by a single mother, I remember the divorce and I remember when she was remarried, I've heard them argue, I seen them cry, I've known from just about the begining that relationships are hard work and marriage is even harder. I can't tell you how many people have told me that keeping a relationship healthy, happy and together is one of the hardest things that they've ever done in their lives, even harder then raising kids in some stories.
I don't know what to do, I'm pretty much at my witt's end right now. Maybe I'm overreacting, maybe I'm not seeing the whole story, maybe I just need to relax, I don't know. But I'm seriously at my witt's end. I don't think I can take the things he says or the way he acts anymore. I've already talked to him and he just dismisses it. I'm truly at my witt's end.