About 3 weeks ago my family and I went with a church group to visit a Monastery for women in Santa Paula. I was quite pleased with the scenery (reminded me of Lake Tahoe) and the way the nuns were living. Each nun lived in her very own trailer and the monastery itself is very small…not the conventional size you see in movies or read about in books. We heard a  small lecture, attended Vespers (evening service) and then we broke bread together by eating a dinner with no meat.

Upon leaving the monastery, my mother jokingly turned to me and asked me if I wanted to consider becoming a nun because of the peaceful life they live. Mind you, I am not one who enjoys living a stressful life. I am sure that none of us here do. As well I also value my time alone/private time where I can reflect on my thoughts and feelings for the day.

I also value and want the companionship of the opposite sex. I guess what I am trying to say here is that I was not pleased at all with my mother’s joke. I didn’t take much offence to it although she may have been serious about it only because she sees how stressed out I am and depressed I am. She told me that becoming a nun might bring balance into my life and make me a peaceful, more happier person.

As much as I value my alone time, I cannot envision living a life of monasticism and solitude. I care for people and want to be cared for by people. Although I had an unsuccessful marriage the first time around, I dream of and crave of having a happy marriage or long term relationship with someone and having children as well. If I became a nun, I could not realize this dream and I do desire a life with someone, with a man, who could fulfill this ideal and make it come true for me. Alas, I must reflect now on my past for a while and remember the mistake I made for I don’t want to make the same mistake again…