I was violated today….im losing my Ohio boy for telling him…. and im losing myself……. i dont want to lose him……. i dont want to lose me… i don't want to be violated any more….. why couldnt i have just spoken up tonight? would that have changed things for Ohio boy…… I love him… I know he's too far away, but I was hoping it'd work out… Stupid I know…. before i hung up he said that this doesnt chagne how feeels… he sitll loves me… Then he said its not fair to keep us in a relationship when we're physciacally too far away and he kept saying it not fair. He asked me if because of us being in a relationship if this might have been heightened because of that… He asked me if we should take things down. Was he asking me this? or was he trying to imply that we should… I feel like a complete burden to him now. I shouldn't have told him… i guess… i dont know what to say…. i love my Ohio boy… I feel like hes helping in my life…. but as of tongiht… hearing what he had to say… I feel like im his stressor… this waste in his life that he needs to get rid of…. I wish I could end up with him… Honestly talking to him, I feel like hes the one… I know thats stupid… I just feel this connection that I don't want to lose.. And I don't think I could go a day without… I can't stop crying. I want the tears to stop. I need the tears to stop. I need the pain in my body to stop. I need to stop feeling. I need to stop everything…. I just want to forget feelings and life and move on….. It happened again…. And this is what I feel… but I am going to keep trudging forward… I don't know how…. But I am going too……