Tomorrow is yet another first day of classes of the semester. I always choose to do more school, continue with my education, and I always forget my overpowering lack of motivation. Learning I love. Exams, presentations, group projects I detest. So much stress accompanies my experience with school and somewhere along the line I completely lost my drive. I am still dedicated to receiving my degree but almost incapable of putting in the required effort to get there. How am I supposed to throw myself into my studies when all I can think about during the day is surviving it? Getting through each day without feeling horrible is a huge accomplishment in and of itself; how am I supposed to succeed in anything else beyond that? I also fear entering the work force, due to the fact that the consequences are much worse for not showing up to work than not showing up to class. Everywhere I go, I see happy people with other happy people laughing and smiling. I make the assumption, which I know is not always true, that these people don't share my experience of preferred isolation until I get desperate for human interaction. Most of the time, it is too exhausting to consider. Throwing myself into a good book, movie or television show is so much easier. I don't ever have to talk, but I can find meaning and enjoyment and emotions and connection within my stories. But they aren't real. I'm afraid I am missing out on life, on life at a young age, and that I will deeply regret it in the future. But these thoughts pile on even more pressure to be "normal", and to enjoy making the effort to be constantly social, and then I fall farther. How am I supposed to "put myself out there" when I am working so hard already to get through each day? Putting myself out there means I was able to go outside to do an activity and it is an accomplishment to do so without feeling even worse. I really don't have a point to this blog, or a main message. I am unsure of what I'm supposed to say here, so maybe my future posts will be more organized.
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Are we there yet mom
MoonWolfEagle, , Depression, Anger, Anxiety, Questions, Religion, Spirituality, 0
Greetings family yes indeed one big family trying to work on not repeating ourownset patterns that is why i...
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I pinched myself and I am still here.
Germane, , Depression, Anxiety, Career, Depression, 0
My older sister has MS, and she fell down two weeks ago and broke her ankle. She is non-weight...
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The Obligatory Intro
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I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression my whole life. The thing was, I didn’t know I was struggling. I...
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Doing okay
mswithms, , Depression, Depression, Therapy, Weight Loss, 0
Tried prozac 3 days it was like takin a bottle of speed and 10 gal of expresso!!! I am...
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Spring Break
sadviolinist, , Depression, Career, 0
Alright guys, I hope this is going to work better. From now on I'll write in dark colors...
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Boringgg..
Aspiretodream, , Depression, Anger, Anxiety, Relationships, 0
Life for me has become so boring. I live with my boyfriend and his parents and none of them...
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The Diary of Tracy Something
TracySomething, , Depression, 0
So, today went better than yesterday. The whole day was going really good until I got into last hour....
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A step in the right direction…
Delcorin, , Depression, Child, Depression, Domestic Abuse, Parenting, Relationships, Sleep Disorders, 0
For the first time in over a week she texted me, starting with a "Hi". I replied in kind,...