As an older sibling (and in my case theoldestsibling), I am typically expected to be the role model and the person for my younger siblings to look up to. But the hard truth is that I live in a long, dark shadow cast on my by my sister who is two years younger than I am and is far more successful.

When I was in high school, there were times when I would have straight A's and B's. Other times, when depression was taking over my life and/or when I was being bullied more than usual, I would be barely getting by with a variety of B's, C's and even D's. After four years of slinking by and one hospitalization, I graduated with a very average GPA, but it amounted to a diploma nonetheless. Upon graduation, I had no real friends (and not really any fake friends either) and I was nothing spectacular in society, doing nothing notable with my life or my free time. Now, my sister graduated in the top ten in her graduation class with a 4.3 GPA, was in the National Honors Society, graduated with honors, has a full-paid scholarship for her entire Associate's degree, always got nothing but A's, took all advanced coursework, she's tall, skinny, tanned, and very toned, she has long smooth hair, a perfectly straightened smile, TONS of friends (she's seriously at a bon-fire or someone's party every other day atleast) and everybody loves her. She's completely healthy and has never had to deal with depression or take medication on a daily basis. She's one of those people that smiles through some of life's toughest moments and just lets negativity roll off her back.

Iknowyou're not supposed to compare yourself to others because everyone is different in their own right and IknowI should just sit back and be happy for her. And don't get me wrong, I couldn't be more proud that she's so successful and I want nothing but good things for her; I love her with my whole heart. But how am I supposed to feel good about myself living in the same house as someone like that? Sure, I'm good at art, writing, and music but those things aren't actually going to get me anywhere in life. When people ask how you're doing, they don't want to hear how your hobbies are going. They want to hear about your fabulous job and the staggering amount of progress you're making in your education. I do love my job, but it never changes for better or for worse; my education is squeaking by at snail's pace because that is the only way I can handle it. I;m not nearly as impressive as my sister. And certainly nowhere near as social. She's at a party even as I'm writing this.

I tried to have a serious talk with my parents about it the other day and they just told me that I shouldn't be comparing myself to her. I just can't help it- not when the difference between us is so drastic. How can people love me just as much as they love her when I'm not anywhere near as successful, pretty, or interesting? Am I being silly for being so frustrated with this or are there other people out there that understand my frustration? There have to be…