I've been back to the other 2 Tribes today (Anxiety and Depression) but this Tribe is by far the most difficult to come back to.
I am not exactlyan alcoholic, but I am cross-addicted and alcohol is one of my addictions in that I can't control very well. My drinking tends to get out of control because most of the timeI am trying to push the anxiety down.
For example, I am terrified to ride in a car (I do not drive) So before I get in the car (if I am going somewhere social anyway like dinner or a bar) I have a drink or 2 before hand. It helps, but I hate to rely on it.
My other addictions include shopping and –back again special for this year–EATING!!! YAY!! (sarcasm) In just 6 short months I gained 25 pounds and you can too if you are anxious enoughand have very little in your life to look forward to besides eating.
I almost came back here a few weeks ago to discuss my eating. And my shopping. My funds are down to the wire because I can't say no when I want to buy something on eBay or occasionally, elsewhere.
These 3 addictions are destroying my life. The drinking caused me to lose a friend last night (wrote things on his FB that pissed him off while I was drunk)
The eating has made me fat. I was a size 2, now I'm an 8, 10 in some manufacturers. None of my old clothes fit me anymore and I have a lot of clothes.
The shopping, quite simply, made me broke.
I don't know what else to say right now. I am disgustedwith my drinking at the moment because of what happened last night on FB. The shopping is always an issue. I run the riskof getting kicked off of eBay because sometimes Ibid on things I can't affordand I can't pay for them.At least today I'm too anxious to eat much. I still manage though. Last week I ate so much Chinese food it was disgusting. J is a fat pig at 230 and I out ate him. Eww.
So out of these 3 things, at least ONE of them is causing some trauma. Everyone says "get help". No, I do not want to go to AA or OA actually, I would love to find a shoppers anon, but I can't find one in my area. The only thing I'm willing to get help for is the shopping. I don't want to ruin the fun in my life by giving up drinking and eating fatty foods. It's usually the only fun I ever have. But the shopping's gotta stop. I need money to live, I need money to save and I'm blowing every penny and then some. I'm burning thru my savings at a frightening, rapid pace. Soon, I'll have nothing left and if I'm still addicted to shopping, I will go nuts.
There is but one positive piece of info that I have for this blog. My friend, or who I thought was a friend, P, has decided recently to experiment with a few new drugs and he invited me along and I said NO. While these particulardrugs are not the worst ones you can do, I still said no. One reason is, if I like the drug, I am afraid I will want it ALL the time. With my addictive personality, that's not a good idea at all to even try it once. So I won't.
Anyway, this has set a rift in my friendship with P. We no longer have a lot in common because he's always messing around with his new favorite drug. It was fine before when we'd drink or smoke together. But I'm not interested in the other drug scene. Forget it.
I just wish I were not so bored and anxious. Boredom and anxiety are what fuel my addictions. I want to balance out my life so I'm not so damn miserable.