I just can’t give it up!
I’m sick of being so… So… Like me. Stupid, weird, worthless, pathetic, impatient, hyper, angry, paranoid, depressed. I don’t want to feel the emotions anymore.
I’m sick of living here. I am. I talked to my brother over the phone, he’s doing so much better living with his girlfriend. I need to just pick up and go. I hate having an alocholic father, and a mother that just doesn’t care. I come home just to be alone, if I even go out in the first place. I feel so invisable. I’m starting to fall into the same pit of addiction.
The drugs made me feel loved. My parents didn’t love me, but the drugs did. Sounds weird probably, but that’s how I’ve always felt. I didn’t have to try to please the drugs. They accepted me for who I was. They partly made me who I am…
I’m better off dead. I really am. I don’t think anyone would really notice me gone. I think they’d get over it quite fast.
I have so many skeletons in my closet. I’m afraid they’ll get out. I can hear them speak to me. It’s scary, disturbing, but somehow I’m not sorry. I just want to bury my darkest secrets. But I hear them calling.
I’m starting to hallucinate again. I’m getting paranoid. I feel like everyone’s laughing at my demise. I’ve been looking through old photographs of my life. It looks a lot like me, or who I used to be. But it’s not me anymore.
I just feel so… Not here. Gone.
But like I always say…