so the last few days i feel like my parents are just really aggurvated 🙁 they keep telling me i need to try harder with my anxiety, i dont know how to exsplain that i cant, im trying, but its so hard :…( i dont have a psyiatrist, i dont take meds, nothing and iv been trying to go see a doctor but i dont have insurence right now and the cheapest one close to home is 275$ a visit, and i cant afford that. I dont have a job, my mom is disabled and my dad got laid off.
im getting so depressed it sucks. i feel like everything i say or do is wrong in my mothers eyes, but its been like this since i was a kid. thats why i promised myself when i was a child that the minute i could get out i was gonna leave this place. and when i was 15 i did leave i was gone and i was so happy. then my anxiety brought me back in and now i feel stuck,
everyday i live with seeing my mom give all this attention and care and love to my brothers gf who is nothing but a meth head and just trash POS. she is 19 years old with 2 kids that have been taken away from her for drugs and its like my mom loves her more then me. maybe this is just my depression hitting but idk i cant stand it. my mom has never treated me good and she treats this bitch like she is royalty. i personally hate the girl, she steals stuff from me, and when i say something about it i get yelled at for starting an aggurment in the household. i think its kinda funny that right after she moves in almost all my clothes are gone, my ipod is gone, my gold chain my dad got me when i was a baby is gone. all this crap.
i wish i could get over my anxiety and start living life again, cause the way i am living now is just not what i want. i dont go out, i cant be alone, i freak out over stupid crap and i feel like i have no one :/
if i was better i could finish college, get a job, and get out of this place!!!