so the last few days i feel like my parents are just really aggurvated 🙁 they keep telling me i need to try harder with my anxiety, i dont know how to exsplain that i cant, im trying, but its so hard :…( i dont have a psyiatrist, i dont take meds, nothing and iv been trying to go see a doctor but i dont have insurence right now and the cheapest one close to home is 275$ a visit, and i cant afford that. I dont have a job, my mom is disabled and my dad got laid off.

im getting so depressed it sucks. i feel like everything i say or do is wrong in my mothers eyes, but its been like this since i was a kid. thats why i promised myself when i was a child that the minute i could get out i was gonna leave this place. and when i was 15 i did leave i was gone and i was so happy. then my anxiety brought me back in and now i feel stuck,

everyday i live with seeing my mom give all this attention and care and love to my brothers gf who is nothing but a meth head and just trash POS. she is 19 years old with 2 kids that have been taken away from her for drugs and its like my mom loves her more then me. maybe this is just my depression hitting but idk i cant stand it. my mom has never treated me good and she treats this bitch like she is royalty. i personally hate the girl, she steals stuff from me, and when i say something about it i get yelled at for starting an aggurment in the household. i think its kinda funny that right after she moves in almost all my clothes are gone, my ipod is gone, my gold chain my dad got me when i was a baby is gone. all this crap.

i wish i could get over my anxiety and start living life again, cause the way i am living now is just not what i want. i dont go out, i cant be alone, i freak out over stupid crap and i feel like i have no one :/

if i was better i could finish college, get a job, and get out of this place!!!

5 Comments
  1. ssegars18 7 years ago

    thank you
    and it is hard, I feel like everyone here just don\'t understand what im going through so I cant talk to them about it.
    iv been looking into groups and things like that in my area, but I live in such a small town and its surrounded with more small towns that if I did wanna go see a group of other people like me then I would have to travel like 80 miles. and I cant drive on my own anymore, so that\'s kinda like out of the question.
    but today after I wrote this post I felt like a prayer had been answered, a woman that is a psychologist in my town got back to me and told me about her program and the cost and all that junk lol
    and she is not to exspensive, she has a $50 first time visit then she talks to indivisuals about the price depending on there situations at home.
    I have $80 to my name right now and I plan on getting help, cause I need it.
    I hate being trapped, and confused on what is wrong with me.
    but I fear that even with me going to see help that I might not being able to fix things. Like being put on medication I just I don\'t know how it will work cause I feel like I am the reason for my own attacks. I over think everything, and every situation that could possible happen and I just don\'t know.
    iv never wanted to have to be put on meds for this cause I just feel like im a weak person for having to do that. but for now I can never get stronger or better if I cant even manage to drive or be alone, or just be normal.

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  2. ssegars18 7 years ago

    Thanks

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  3. lmtz 7 years ago

    patience is a virtue..we all have our struggles…some more severe than others…be optimistic! focus on what you can do to make things better and don\'t continue to hold on to all the negative….be strong…educate yourself about anxiety and start the healing process on your own…you are never alone and it\'s mind over matter that will help you take the first steps to a full recovery…hang in there and good luck

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  4. yudith 7 years ago

    I feel you im here stuck in the house always locked in this four walls i callmy room. Cant work or anything im to anxious to. In my case my parents dont know i have anxiety so im alone with this feeling. Every day i have to give an excuse not to work. So hang in there the day would come when u feel better. And ur brave not to take pills that would be to much for me. Have you try teas they work pretty good best of all no side effects. I try the passion flower tea is good for anxiety but i had to stop because i found a pill that work pretty good.

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  5. ssegars18 7 years ago

    Thanks guys
    And with the situation with my mom it\'s difficult, all my other siblings even say stuff about it cause she has treated me wrong ever since I was a child.
    My mom gets really mad at things and will say I was a mistake. That kinda stuff no matter if it was out of anger and not true it sinks in and hurts.

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