I try so hard to not let the germ thing run my life, and do the exposure therapy where I don't perform my compulsion after I feel I have been contaminated. But its not working very well at all. The feeling of being contaminated does not seem to go away, ever.  And because I don't decontaminate when I feel I am contaminated everything I touch then becomes contaminated. It then gets to a point were I can not take it any more and I have to go around and decontaminate everything I touched, by then it is overwhelming. It also never seems to fail that after I am done and feeling a little better, there will be something I remember I touched and forgot to clean or I will just have doubt that I even cleaned it, and the cycle starts again. Here is one example of many; I came in contact with blood at the store (the story in my other blog), after a total break down and major decontaminating of everything and I mean everything I could have possibly touched, I needed to go shopping for clothes for a new job I was starting and get a new trash can (and a box of rubber gloves..=]) at the hardware store. After buying a hundred or so dollars worth of clothes and driving to the hardware store I realized I did not decontaminate my seat belt, that touched my coat that I was wearing when I came in contact with the blood at the store. All the clothes I just bought and the rubber gloves I stuffed in the trash can and tossed it in my back seat. I got home took out the trash can with my clothes in it and set it in my back yard and began the decontamination process all over again. I left those clothes in that trash can for two or three weeks, got drunk one night and took my xanax and was able to pull the bags out of the trash can and stuff them into another bag and throw them into the laundry room were they are to this day, I can not touch the trash can nor have I even been able to touch the box of rubber gloves(that I need badly..lol) and of course after I touched the can to take out the bags of clothes and the booze wore off I had to go around and decontaminate everything again.  This is an everyday thing for me It spreads like fire and every time I put one fire out two more start. I seem to do nothing but think germs, is this contaminated do I need to wash, and the answers is YES it is contaminated and I do need to wash or throw that away because I can not clean it enough, one wash cycle is not enough anymore sometime two cycles is not enough, there are thing that no matter what I do there is nothing that will clean them to my satisfaction. So, they sit there or I throw them away.

I guess want I would like to know is how do other people with contamination issues deal with this. There are things that I have cleaned been able to touch again then after a few days or more they magically become contaminated again, I thought that if you exposed yourself to it with time the feeling would go away not return. Anyone got some advise I

2 Comments
  1. rq5738 12 years ago

     I’m so sorry you’re suffering… but I totally understand.  I"m not sure I have any good advice, other than to use an SSRI if you can.  I am taking 200 mg zoloft and it keeps me sane.  I still "see red" all the time, but can get through it.  I could have written your blog.  I know you mentioned xanax, but that’s a ‘quick fix’- so if you’re not taking something else, I personally, would suggest that you check into it.  It gave me so much of "me" back.  There is still a part of me that wlll always be lost to OCD, but I can manage now, thanks to the rx.

     

    Keep in touch,

    RQ

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  2. taz45_2007 12 years ago

    You should,t drink alchol", Because when it wheres off you will become even worse! I dont know" mabe the xanax isnt doing the trick? You might try taking

    luvox or another type of med..  And continuing the exposer therapy exc.

    Im taking luvox latly  but I dont know yet because I just up a  bit on them, but

    they are suposed to be the best, for ocd , that and  another real old med..

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