Im here to share my story in hope that it will help or encourage someone. So here it goes, My Story:
I started recognizing the anxiety when I was a senior in high school. I had no idea what it was, I figured it was because I drank probably 3 red bulls a day, drank coffee,and took diet pill (for energy). The anxiety was VERY mild. It didnt interfere with any of my daily life, it would come for a minute and be done with. It didnt faze me. I had my fist panic attack while at work, and even that didnt scare me too much. I thought I was having a reaction to the diet pills I had taken earlier that day, so I stopped taking them. And I was fine. Then my sister got sick and had to stay with me. She was very depressed and seeing her that way took a huge toll on me. She eventually went to get treatment for alcholism. After she left, I started showing mild signs of depression and anxiety. So I went to the doctor and she told me I had post tramatic stress disorder and anxiety. She recommened me to see a therapist. But after a couple days I was fine again. So I never took her advice and went on the rest of the summer fine. I thought maybe it was because I was soo bored it being the summer and not working anymore. So once my freshman year in college started I was so excited. Thats when all the anxiety came flooding back. Everytime I was in class, I felt trapped. The anxiety struck me only during class. It was so horrible, I couldnt concentrate, I would find myself just trying to make it through what felt like the roughest hour of my life. It was so bad that I eventually dropped every class but one. So once again I went to the doctor, and he told me the same thing, GO SEE A THERAPIST! So this time I did, she was a christian, but did not incorporate that into her treatment, she was just open to hear about it if I was wanted to hear it. She was Ok, besides charging $100, for an hour, twice a week. Im a college student and dont have that kind of money, nor did I want to tell my dad about ANYTHING, because he would just worry. So after 3 sessions I stopped going. And actually started feeling better (no thanks to her). I was able to drink coffee again and was doing great in school (I changed campuses, because in my mind, the old campus just added to my anxiety, STUPID haha). So for about two years I was doing great. I had days where I would feel, "off" or "out of it." But nothing compared to before. Then my boyfriend and I moved into our new place this past October, and bomb the anxiety stricked harder then ever. I couldnt sleep through the night, I couldnt go ANYWHERE without feeling anxious, I would get really anxious at work. It was awfull. I went to the doctor yet again, and this time she prescribed my anti anxiety medication. I couldnt bring myslef to take it (In no way am I trying to talk down on taking medication for anxiety, I fully understand that it has saved some people, but for me it was a scary option). So I threw it in the back of my bathroom cabinet, and told myself I would try EVERY other way possible before resorting to taking the medication. I have always be a christian, but I guess you could say I got off track. I would pray for God to help me, but I was going about it all wrong. I wasnt giving it to Him. I was trying to control it by reading books, magazines, looking online on how to Stop it, etc. And nothing was working. I even stopped taking my birth control because I thought it might have been causing some anxiety. That semester I was taking a psychology class and in the back of my mind I always wanted to ask my professor to talk to me about the anxiety. But I never did. On our last day of class she gave us all her facebook account info, so we could look her up. To my surprise, she was a CHRISTIAN!!!! You dont see very many college professors who are devout Christians. So I was soo excited. To me, it was important to meet with someone who could understand my views and incoroprate God into my treatment. I statred reading her posts, and she was actually getting her certification to be a Christian Counselor!!!! I knew at that point that God had brought her into my life, I wasnt going to let this opportunity pass me by. So I sent her a message. She wasnt certified yet, which meant I would have to wait about a month. Well for anyone with anxiety, thats a VERY long time, but I waited. And continued to suffer a lot. So we started meeting, and she taught me that I can get through anxiety by giving it to Jesus Christ. She worked and continues to work with me. But its been about 3 months since I first met with her, and even though it was extremly hard, I have gotten over the anxiety. I sleep like a baby at night, I can do all the fun things I used to do, I have taken 2 trips, and was fine. Got stuck in airports for 2 days and no anxiety. Saw my mom have a nervous breakdown, no anxiety. Im not going to sit here and act like I dont have "off" days still. Because I do. But the suffereing is gone. I have the tools to "let go" of the anxierty. The Lord has saved me from this terrible attack of anxiety I had in my life. I am closer to God then I have been in a very long time, if ever. My counselor and I are now working on finding my identity without anxiety. When you live with anxiety for so long, it hard to know what its like without it. As much as I hated it, it became a part of who I was. I couldnt just live with the fact that its gone, because I would try to cinvince myself that its not. That I still had it. Its a daily struggle but every day is progress. Thats why in this blog I refer to anxiety as "THE" anxiety, NOT "my" anxiety, because its not mine, we cant let this be a part of us anymore. And now im happy, thankful, and excited to share my story.
If anyone has any questions, need advice, or ANYTHING at all, let me know. I would love to help. Thanks for reading. 🙂
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Phil 4:13