Everything that is going on with my cousin, Dana, is having such an effect on me. I can't find the energy to do my school work or homework. I don't even want to sit in chat and listen to them be happy. But I can't bring myself to ask for help in chat when they're having a good time either. I don't want to be a mood killer.
I went to my psychiatrist for the second visit Friday. My dad coaxed me to tell her about Dana…I didn't want to for fear that she would put me on another medication but she didn't. Anyway, she's Indian and she said something to the effect wouldn't you rather her be no longer in pain and in heaven than here on earth in pain? In all honestly, I just told her yes because I have such a hard time controlling my emotions when Dana is the topic. Of course I don't want her in pain but leaving Steven–her husband–and family so soon…I'm not sure if they're ready for her to go. I'm not but I'll never be ready to lose her or any other family member.
Ever since the passing of my grandma, I've been very aware of the signs that death is coming: more and more sleeping and spending time "in another world" and loss of appetite. Dana sleeps alot and falls asleep easily and her appetite has decreased but that all could be just the cancer continuing to grow.
Anyway, I just needed to vent…I'm not sure my parents know how hard this is on me. She's not blood realted to me and I've only known her a couple of years. But she's still my cousin in my eyes. And I love as if she were…