Over the last 25 years:

• I have been married to a complete abusive asshole
• Lost my son when he was 1 week old
• Beaten cancer twice
• Lost my mother last year (totally devastating)
• Married again, to wonderful husband
• Tried to have another baby, was told I cant and had to have hysterectomy
• I have been on breast cancer medication for the last 6 years

I am 48 years old and I feel like I am 68. After my first marriage I started spending money all the time. I dont gamble, drink or take drugs..yet I never have money, my husband and family know some of my debt but not all of it…I am tired of constantly worrying where I am going to get money to stick to my commitments. I am a definately a shopaholic and cant seem to stop…I can never see what I actually spent my money on.

I would like it to all just end, I am tired of all this shit.

I have a wonderful supportive husband, a great family backup yet its still not enough I am disgust and ashamed of myself, I cant seem to find happiness anywhere. I dont deserve happiness thats why I have lost everything..

I wish the planet would stop so I could just jump off, I feel like I just cant go on anymore, but cannot find the courage to end it all…I am scared of what this would do to my family.