I knew something was not right after I came out of rehab…my second marriage had come to an end…I didnt love her( prob had not for years)…but that didnt matter..I clenched my fists and stomped my feet and dug in deep…for the fight of a life time…no good reason…as soon as I felt out of control I just reached and grabbed at anything things I dont even remotely give a shit about…yes temper tantrums..uh huh…and that is how I have always dealt with not getting my own way..fuck everyone I want it here and now…you hurt me..fuck you..hurt some back…good old psychotherapy seems to help..I have to learn to grow up and develop coping mechanisms..My coping was anger BIG FUCKING UGLY ANGER ususally directed at myself ot inanimate objects…and all of those self defeating tendancies….for me aside of the drinking which "Preserved" me at a young age…I also was locked in my room for a good 3 plus years and I seemed to miss out on some social skills and basic human interaction…and No I blame no one for where I am…I take responsibility for my actions and its up to me to learn to make it work so I can function in the world…
Somedays…I do just need to know…
Love Michael…
