I have three computers all of which have been completely trashed. My family isn’t exactly the most intelligent when it comes to electronics even to the point of thinking icons represent the amount of available space on a computer. Computer A has been sitting for months because it has a blue screen, B just got a virus and nothing would upload, and C has an unrecoverable hard drive. I wipe all the computers and plan on sending C to the manufacturer. The whole time I am trying to figure out what is goin on with the computers and why they won’t connect or whatever I have my grandpa breathin down my back. I keep telling him my friends will come over and help.. which they do but they don’t have a free minute all the time. He sent me over board Friday. "My grandkids need their computer to play games" They don’t even live here and it’s not like they don’t have a million gaming platforms at home.  Maybe it’s the jealousy bug.. but the fact that he is not concerned about me having a decent computer to write college papers… but he is worried about them not having their games one night a week.. is insulting. I think I figured out why they weren’t connecting and I bought a wireless adapter. He ask "what’s the verdict?" well I think we found the solution and we can fix it "well when is that goin to happen?" today.. I’m thinking.. I’m doin you a favor! then he starts rambling on about how he thinks he can fix it.. the man who does not know where the Start menu is.. and I’m just like "let me handle it" and I get a "whatever"

I’m trying to save him hundreds of dollars on these computers and all he can do is give me an attitude. He treats me like I’m a complete idiot about it.. and I begin to question "why do I even bother? why don’t I let him just spend his money?" He treats me like I’m a complete imbicile. When my call has a major oil leak.. and he wanted to go get my brothers for lunch I told him no.. cause takin my siblings to lunch wasn’t worth a $3000 car. He has to have it his way so I try to dump as much oil as I can to try to salvage the car and he comes out to the drive way and starts cursing me out.. even to the point of callin me a b*tch. A week down the road.. we have a rod knocking and a car goin to the scrap yard. It’s so infuriating.

I feel like I can never amount to anything in the eyes of my family. Almost every family member has either dropped out of high school.. got pregnant.. arrested.. and I’m the failure for being in college? They want me to put payments down on a house with my significant other of six months like my brother? I’m sorry but I have a different path and I think mine is SIGNIFICANTLY better. I can get the approval of everyone BUT family.. and it eats away at me. Why should it bother me SO much about what they think? Why do I feel the need to hide my success?I wish they only knew what it was doin to our relationship.

Yesterday he invited everyone.. but me to lunch.. took everyone to a movie but me.. it’s like "am I not part of this family?" When I was thirteen I seperated myself completely from my parents for very valid reasons.. and ever since then it hasn’t been the same. I feel like I have been disowned for.. helping myself get away from a horrible situation. I just want to know why I’m treated.. so different.. so worthless.. I’m not the black sheep.. they are.


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