who needs meds and therepists when all you got to do is go on vacation  for a huge dose of exposure and cbt.  i guess my title is a bit of a teases but i have had a very interseting experience these last coup;e days…some good and some bad and some are still on my mind but overall everything and everone is ok.   that is the conclusion before the adventure story.  if only life worked that way none of us would waste so much  time worring and just enjoy life as it come good and bad…so here is the story it starts wityh my husband getting laid off from work,   since his company has fall on hard times they took away his paid vacation that we have gotten for years so we hadn’t planned anything this year because we didn’t have the cash.  but now he had the timwe so we weezeled some cash from various accounts that will need to be replaced before chistmas and certain bills arise. so worry # 1 money something i think a lot of peoplle ar edealing with right now but lets just say that the combo of all i am about to describe to you  was a anxiety causeing cluster that could have ended in a huge melt down but somehow ended up being ok even enjoyable.   packing for five one being under six months is a big pain plus cleaning so i didn’t have to worry about coming home to a messy house…then shopping and making sure to but enough soap and wipes and sanitizers.. so cont.  we decide to go to the jersey shore (like many Philadelphians do)  my in laws ahve a place there that i have been to a million times but this years was differant cause i have the new baby and they rented the place out this year, and the guy left just days before i went.to make matters harder my own parents and young sisters were using the house for a few day before we came and spending thhe first few days with us so i couldn’t even go all out w the lysol when i got there like i really wanted to…so mnay things happened around me that i could not control but made my mind race…  the beach was great  my girls had so much fun…the trash truck pulled away just as we were walking onto the sand  but i tryed to act like i didn’t see it.  kinda like everyone else who didn’t give it a second thought.   the ocean well maybe dirty(  my mind was screaming this at me) but how could i not let my girls enjoy something that i loved as a child…  we went to the board walk and rode rides and played games…every thing we touch or sat on or walked by made me think but  it was finnally more important to enjoy it then care about reprocustions…  God that feels good to say…two months ago i didn’t even want to leave my house… one of the biggest thing i conquer was my obsesion with showers imedately before bed…  we showered the girls after the beach put them for a nap showered ourselves when then got up actually went out to dinner mini golfed and one night for icedream and just came home put on our pjs and off to bed.  and everyone survived i know that sounds stupid but really this is huge for me cause the  world stopped turning after bathtime around here to avoid contaminatingour beds.  big deal?  if it was on us all day and you are ok then why can’t it be in my bed? that was ocd cotroling how i ran my day and the reason  the vacation was a good way to practtice response therepy is since it was not my own home the stakes didn’t seem as high cause from the minute i walked in the door i felt contaminated  but my only options were to deal with the feelings and try to have fun w my family or  spend the next five days trying to contrl tings i couldn’t and wishing i was home and i unconsciously chose to endure and i am sooo happy i did cause i actually learned something.  hopefully i can apply it to my daily life at home and start to enjoy everyday as much as possible.  to top it all off upon my arrival home my mom called me to inform me that my three little sisters who my family had shared a house with have LICE.  o no  but really what could i have done?  no amount of hand soap or sanitizer would have stopped it.  and had i avoided them we would not have had that time together.  so now i gotta keep an eye out for bugs but its all good…shit happens.  all in all i am now doing loads and loads of laundry that prop won’t get put away for a week…but as long as it is clean who cares!! !i finnally had an oppertunity to appreciate all i have my husband my daughters my family  it rally was great in a lot of ways  and i was and still am anxious the whole time but i decided to try to not let it ruin me and it ddn’t.  all the triggers were there all the feelings were ther overwehelming  and uneasy but i didn’t let it make me that person and even if it is temp.  it felt good!!! 

2 Comments
  1. robby 12 years ago

    All I can say is, WOW!!  You should be very proud of what you accomplished. AND, what an unselfish thing to do to make sure your kids had a great time at the beach. WOW again.  Best.  Rob

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  2. LISAS23 12 years ago

    awesome!

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