Had to call my eldest daughters school this morning, am so worried about her and I have no where else to turn, she spent all yesterday crying but wont talk to me, she asked me to stop by her mums grave that afternoon so I knew that was a big part of it, its been 3 years now since their mum died and 3 years of hell. My eldest is now 17 and my youngest 11 ( both girls ).
I've done and am still doing my best to keep things together for them but with no family support or outside support its taking its toll. I'm 38 now and was diagnosed with deppression at 17 and battled with it ever since, im trying so hard to cope with raising my girls in as stable environment as possible without them seeing my depression……. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Had to give up work when their mum died so I could be there for them. Now into our 3rd winter just the 3 of us and trying to make one bag of coal last the week….its cold 🙁 . Spent a fortune on the car this month so couldnt afford to pay rent and get a call from the landlord almost threatening to evict me CHRIST im only 4 wks behind.
OK, so I am now at a severe low, im lost and scared and dont know where to turn. My eldest daughter is crying one minute and totally nasty the next ( she's seen several councillors already ) my youngest is looking at her with sad eyes and asking me why she is being like that. I've fallen behind on the rent and getting grief from the landlord and im SCARED, I try so hard to stay strong but feel im slipping fast. I have a wonderful girlfriend BUT she doesn't know of my severe depression so I cant talk to her the way I so desperately want to, also she lives a 2 hr drive away so we only see each other weekends. I feel so alone, tired, scared and so helpless.
Thanks guys, I just needed to talk, my first time writing something on here