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I try not to let what my mother says bother me but there are times when I get so frustrated or angry at her for belittling me or complaining about everything under the sun. She literally does not give me credit for anything that I do, but finds fault in everything that I don’t do or haven’t gotten around to yet. She comes over today and the first thing she does is complain about how messy my floor is and she asks me if I have a vacuum cleaner and if so, why haven’t I used it yet. I try to explain to her that my youngest son has been throwing toys and trash behind the recliner. I found dishes back there, a bag of chips, crayons, broken cookies and some other unidentifiable items. It has become a weekly routine to tip the chair over, sweep out all the debris with a broom then vacuum behind the chair. After sweeping out the trash I make my son pick it up and put in the trash can, then what’s left I sweep up with a broom and dust pan then finally I vacuum the floor. I explained that we were still in the process of picking up the trash off the floor. Then she complained about the trash bag sitting against the wall that needs to go outside. I told her that I had just emptied the trash can and haven’t gotten around to taking the bag out yet, between helping my five year old out I also have a seven year old with autism that I have to take care of.

So the next thing that she attacks are some marks on the outside of my house, I told her that I tried scrubbing them off with soap and water (they were made by my five year old with a black marker) and that the soap and water didn’t work and I was going to try a magic eraser. She didn’t even listen to me, just went on about how my land lady would be upset to see that and might even throw me out over it. I got frustrated and walked to the back of the house where my dad was looking at my poor abused car that the previous day was injured by an ignorant potential buyer. Once back there, my mother follows me around the back where I have a trash can sitting full of junk that I had cleaned out of my car. She actually begins going through the trash and complaining about things that I have thrown away! “Well this is still good, why is this in here? Don’t the kids use these toys anymore?” I was like oh my God mother I am trying to get rid of the clutter, not add to it! So once, she was done examining my garbage and making a large pile of things that she didn’t want me to get rid of (Which incidentally went back into the trash can after she left). She walks over to my van where my father has the hood open, looking at the brake lines, and then she starts cleaning leaves out from under the hood! I was ready to just lay down in the mud soaked yard and wait for the buzzards to come peck away at my withered soul.

At this point I really can’t even speak to my mother, she is on this weird maternal mission from God to make sure that everything in my life is spic and span. Now mind you, I had just cleaned everything out of my van the day before. The guy that wanted to see it told me that he didn’t care if it was vacuumed or not, that his wife would vacuum it if they decided to buy it. After he drove it, he damaged my brakes and I could not drive the car. So now, my mother is complaining that the car is not vacuumed out! She knows that I could not drive it, so there is no way that I could take it up to the car wash to have it cleaned. My only other option would be to drag my house vacuum outside to do it but my van is parked in the back of the house and there is no way that the cord will reach unless I get one of those orange utility extension cords.

Of course I can’t explain this to her because in her eyes this is called “making excuses.” Apparently, I need to turn myself in a human vacuum, go out suck up all the dirt with my mouth and then spit it into the trash can. Okay, so I may be exaggerating this part a little bit, but seriously, I don’t know what she wants from me. Her next question was, “Why didn’t you take it up and vacuum it before the buyer came by?” Well mother, as I have explained to you NUMEROUS times! The guy called me and said he was coming up within the hour to look at the vehicle and I was pressed for time. I didn’t have it cleaned prior to this because I had just put the car up for sale and within twelve hours had this interested party wanting to look at it. I never expected someone to want to see it that quickly. As it was, I tried to talk to man into coming the next day when I had more time to get it looking decent. He was so certain that he wanted to buy the van that he wanted to come see it right now. So, I know that I am making a lot of excuses but this is what I see from my perspective. I’m trying to sell a van to raise money for a down payment on my mother’s old van. A guy comes spontaneously to see the van, drives it and ruins the brakes. Now I have to worry about getting the breaks fixed, I have another buyer that is interested in the van for about $500.00 less than what I am asking so I want to get it fixed rather than sell it cheap. On top of all of this going on I am trying to cook for, clean up after and keep alive my kids, two of which are disabled. Most of this I am doing alone too. My partner helps where he can but he has never had kids and frankly has a lot to learn. My ex-wife, well she’s another story lol. We are supposed to have joint custody but she lives with her parents and doesn’t work. She comes over whenever she feels like it, one thing I said was that I would never keep the kids away from her but she really doesn’t do much with them. She hangs out around my house, drinks up all my pop and eats my food but doesn’t give me anything to help me out. She may take the kids to an appointment here and there if I ask her or come over and sit with them for an hour so that I can get a break but that’s about it. She won’t take them to her parent’s house because her mom complains when they make a mess. She says she can’t take them for weekends because there is nowhere for them to sleep and she doesn’t want to feed them her parent’s food either. One time she took them shopping with her and she forgot the baby in the shopping cart, got half way out of the parking lot and suddenly realized he wasn’t in the car! So basically I don’t ask her to take them anywhere because she isn’t responsible. She would rather spend her time partying and drinking than being a mom. Our system isn’t the greatest for me but at least I know the kids are safe when she visits them here.

Yeah, I do a lot of complaining but it’s a good release for me because I don’t really have anyone to talk to, I don’t want to sit around and gripe to my friends and family because I don’t want them to get sick of having me around if all I do is talk about negative things. I figure this way, if someone doesn’t want to hear it, they don’t have to read it lol. I do appreciate the comments though of those who do venture down my path or venting and whining lol.

Sometimes hearing someone else’s comments and perspective on things helps me to sort things out and see them more clearly for myself and blogging is a lot better than blowing up and screaming at people then regretting it later.

3 Comments
  1. BaleFire 7 years ago

    Thank you for the comment and yes I do love my mother very much.  Just sometimes I feel like she expects too much from me, or too much all at once. I'm not super man lol I can only do so much with what i have and she expects me to be perfect and I am far from perfect but i do my best. Just my best isn't good enough, she says I can always do better if I just put forth more effort into it.

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  2. ancientgeekcrone 7 years ago

    I think it is time to say to Mother: I do not come over to critique your house, its contents and the results of the activity that recently took place there. I demand the same courtesy from you.  I am beginning to believe that you have nothing

    better to do than make negative comments about  my living situation. As of this minute cease and desist or I will show you the way out.

    Asfor the marks on the ourside wall of the house, she has a choice: Not to mention them or to get them removed at her expense.

    The problem is boundary.  It is for you to draw them and stick by them. No more Making excuses to her.  Tell her flatly it is none of her affair.

    Enough already, you are a grown man with children. This does not mean you do not love your mother. This asserts your right as an adult to manage things as time and energy allows.

    Besides your mother needs to learn other behaviors besides carping at her son..

    The is a world of difference between delivering this message assertively, rather than angrely.

    Good luck with losening these bonds.

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  3. BaleFire 7 years ago

    Thank you ancient…

    I will try my best to take your advice though I know in the past when my mother gives me that "Don't you dare look" I usually retreat inside my head and some 12 year old kid takes over my body lol. 

    It's difficult to really stand up to my mother because she was such an imposing woman in my youth.  There was no arguing with her, you did as you were  told or else and much of imposing nature is still present now. I think the key here is that she and I both need to realize that I have grown up and start respecting that fact.

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