I was sitting at my computer working on a paper for one of my classes while listening to pandora. The song save tonight came on and all of the sudden I found my self thinking about how the song paraleled a situation that occured with me not to long ago and about the exsperience itself. It hurt then it still hurts now I know its the past and it isn't changing I just wish things would have come out differently. I wanted to hang on to hope that it would so I waited and hoped and that hope helped to keep me going but with closure comes loss of hope. When I used to go into that memory it used to not hurt because it wasnt really a goodbye at the time it was more of a be right back now its just a sad goodbye I couldn't accept and I'm left wondering if that was always what it was on his end or if it didnt start out that was just finshed like that. There's a boy that fancys me…he's great with a few exceptions but im still haunted by the ghosts of things that I wish were different. Its not the fact that I cant change the past that is killing me at the moment it's more the fact that it seems like no matter how hard I work at reaching anything I seem to fall short. The weight of past failures or, dress rehersals for the main event as I like to frame them, are weighing heavily on me. It's hard to keep trying with enthusiasm when all past attempts have come out wanting but I keep trying anyway thinking things will be different but it's getting to the point where I start wondering how many times does one have to stick their finger in a burning candle before they learn it hurts them and quit doing it?
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Orphan
kell123, , Depression, Child, Sex Therapy, 0
I thought the drama was over with my family and there cruel behavior tords me.I dont have any contact...
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We're all moving into an apartment soon :(
GetBetter, , Depression, Child, Questions, Relationships, Sleep Disorders, 2
On Wensday my boyfriend's mom is going to start all of the paperwork and everything for an apartment. She...
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Open letter to mother
katniptea1, , Depression, Anger, Anxiety, Child, Depression, Divorce, Domestic Abuse, Lesbian, Gay, LGBTQ, Parenting, Relationships, Sleep Disorders, 2
Dear Mother, The time has come for me to sit down and write this letter. A letter that you...
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Revisiting a terrible memory
thebadkitty, , Depression, PTSD, 0
Some of you have read about this already. I recently wrote a blog about the source of my ptsd. ...
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Hopeful
dbrady1023, , Depression, Child, 2
Well, ok today I am a little hopeful. After reading the blogs I realize how much many others are...
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Today has not been a good day
sunflowerlove, , Depression, Anxiety, Depression, Obesity, Stress, 0
Today started off ok. I woke up went to school i bought a perc 30 which i preceeded to...
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Don't get it!!!
lonelylove, , Depression, Anger, Child, Domestic Abuse, Sleep Disorders, 2
Today I woke up feeling wonderful. I usually do until something or someone messes it up. It's usually the...
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Ugly stupid fat drug addicted me..
troubelled, , Depression, Obesity, Relationships, Sex Therapy, 0
Well.i havebt been on in a while but im back chattin with yall i have made.some dumb dumb choices...