I just cant stand it anymore i need something to stop this stress everytime i turn around i never have any money i just am always asking my mother for help and she wants to pretend that all the nasty stuff it she says or has said never happend i hate it. family theriphy is a joke and well my sister is always makeing coments on my sex life always telling me i am a slut ever sence i was 12 years old and as long as i have been in school my mother has always telling me that i am stupid and asking why i am not in the smart kid classes. i fell when was 3 and she said once time " when you fell at the farm they said there was no brain damage but i think they were wrong" and alway i was picked on in school even my friends today cant help but toroment me with every fault i have. i cant drive right i can do my job right i am not even smart enugh to get schollerships to school. college i am so scared to fail i take all easy classes and work everyday i dead working with my boss i hate it i dread every mistake i make i can never do a good enugh job. the only time that i here i did something right is b/c they dont want me to kill myself. teachers were always scared to talk to me they could never tell if i was ok or not. in my early years of high school i would take brakes to my locker and say i had a head ace and needed a asprin i would take 4 every 15 to 30 min depending on the day for the 8hrs i was in class. in english when it came to free write or poetry teachers noted that i needed counsuling. in youth group we were celibrating a birthday of the vic- pres and as we went to cut the cake the pres said why not let steph do it scence she is so good at cuting. everyone just dint know what to say after that. i use to wish to wake up dead now i am not as suicidal i use to think those thoughts several times an hour but now its only a few times a day but everyday brings such pain my bipolar roomate and i get along but she has a no punishment stance on life she thinks nothing bad will ever happen to her so i work 40hr weeks get maby a meal a week and i come home the house is a mess and she just dosent work she quit her job and everything she says is just so hard to believe.
i want a happy life counsuling teens and a family with a house loving husband and a yard but i guess i might never get that.