I dont know what I am feeling right now.Its like I'm feeling a little bit of every emotion,but I guess I'm feeling angry the most.I know I shouldn't be on facebook,most of those people dont want to associate with me and hear what I have to say.So I cancelled my account.I got tired of wasting time trying to be nice to everyone and just getting rejected/turned away.Most people look at facebook as a fun thing,not me tho.So I deactivated my account,no one wants to talk to me on there anyways.My borderline personality disorder is acting up.It does this every couple of weeks,but I always know its there.For me what it is like to have borderline personality disorder is like having so many emotions and thoughts telling me how I should feel,what I should feel.And no I dont hear voices.Its like my thoughts are telling me to always feel bad about myself,to hate myself,that I will never be as good as anyone else.Most of the time I feel like scum of the earth.I hate the way I look.I just wish I could feel pretty,just once.I mean I love being a woman but its harder than it looks.I have a great boyfriend,he calls me everyday and we talk for a little while.I couldn't ask for anyone more sweet,kind and caring than him.I wouldn't say I love him because we have only been dating for 2 months.My mom doesn't understand the way I feel and why I am so angry.I just wish there was someone who understood and wouldn't tell me I will never get thru this and there is no chance for me,because I am tired of hearing those things.I just want recovery and people to see me instead of my illness.Why can't people just accept me,that's all I want is for people to like ME.


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