So I’m sorry this will be kind of a rant, but I would greatly appreciate it if someone reads this and replied with some advice or really anything. Thank you in advance.
So I have been having this problem with social anxiety for about a year now. It started last year when I had liked this girl. I would constantly look towards her, and start getting anxious whenever she interacted with any other boys, or if she did anything at all that seemed like she was angry at me, even if its just looking in my direction. This girl did not know that I liked her. So basically before this, I was fine socially. I could get along with anyone, and had many friends. At this point, everything else had suffered. My relationship with her, which wasn’t even enough to be called a friendship, was all that mattered to me. I knew that she didn’t like me, but I wanted to try to be friends. All of my other friendships suffered. I lost a few of my best friends, and while I still wasn’t socially awkward, I was getting kind of toxic. After a while, however, I realized that because of my anxiety over my relationship with her, I lost a lot of friendships. So, I applied my anxiety over every single thing she says or does that seems even vaguely like she was angry or didn’t like me(for example, she didn’t talk to me for a day) to every other friend I had. Basically, as soon as ONE friend did so much as stare at me for a few seconds, I would stress and anxiety would flood over me, so that I wouldn’t be able to focus on anything for the rest of the day except for that, effectively making me apply this to other friends I had seen the same day. At the end of the day, I would be super stressed to the point where I would be almost at a mental breakdown. Now, this was all last school year, and it had mostly resolved itself at that point. I regained and gained new friendships, I was friends with that girl, but I developed something that would ruin both of these. My social anxiety. Fast forward to this year, I joined a club where a lot of my friends were in. At first, I would talk to them a lot, and we would have a good time despite my anxiety at the back of my mind of other friendships I thought had gone wrong that day. Afterwards, I started thinking that they were angry at me when really they were just developing new friendships with other people. I got anxious that they were just angry at me, and started interacting with them less and less in the club because I thought they didn’t like me anymore. Fast forward to now I only have a few close friends, and a lot fewer friends. I am still in that club but don’t really talk to anyone. All my old close friends are close friends now and are developing close friendships with other people while leaving me out. Everyone thinks I’m super sensitive. I talk to no one at lunch. I don’t know what to do anymore. Could anyone offer any advice or comment? Anything is appreciated. Thanks!