When I was 16 years old, I was struggling to figure out who I was as a person in this world. My sister, Kaydee, who was envious of me because I was more popular than her during this time—now, Kaydee was always jealous of others, including me. Kaydee thought it would be a fun idea to spread the rumor that I was gay, but at this time I did not know that, so my sister Kaydee ruined my life and my reputation at school, and people made fun of me the rest of the year, and it sucked. I would say that was one of my lowest moments ever.

When I was 17 years old, I figured out that I was gay but chose to keep it a secret from most people at that time. Both of my sisters, Kaydee and Lilith, knew that I was. They both promised me that they would keep it a secret until I was ready to tell Mom and Dad. Lilith obviously broke that promise in order to get her phone back, more about that later. 

This year, I told all my friends that I was gay. They took it pretty well. Before I did that, I went through an identity crisis. An identity crisis for me looks like me questioning everything. This looks like me questioning who I am, my religion, what I am, who I am, etc. At that time, I became withdrawn from my friends and family, and any activities that I was involved in, D&D mostly. But also, at that time, I became a Green Bandana member. I became a Green Bandana member to help others instead of helping myself.

So, as I stated before, my younger sister told my parents that I was gay for her phone. Funny thing, though, she gets to have a boyfriend, but I can’t be bi. On Sunday night, I had no choice but to tell them. They said, “We aren’t mad, why didn’t you tell us sooner?” I said, “Because when I first told you, you said it was a phase, and Kaydee went through the same thing, but remember, Kaydee and I are two different people.” They said, “We know that, but be who you want to be, just not in our house.” 

There were so many emotions raging inside of me. I felt so much anger, rage, frustration, and regret. The reason I felt that way was because they first passed it off as just a phase. I had felt dismissed because it was so much to process at that time. This isn’t how I imagined that they would react, but I’m happy it’s finally out in the open. I was hoping going forward that they would be more accepting of me and love me for being their daughter and not disliking me because I’m gay. 

Yesterday morning, my younger sister, Lilith, told me, “They are just worried about your safety.” At this point, I wanted to scream, or punch a wall.Instead, I simply said, “Ok.”

 So, with all of that being said, I need to remember that in the future I need to make sure that I’m having these difficult conversations with my loved ones and trusting that they will continue to love and support me unconditionally.