Hi,

I’ve been depressed for years but this corona outbreak has made it worse. I struggle to get out of bed every day. I’m a 17 year old very insecure girl. I constantly contact the crisis line because I am having suicidal thoughts and I don’t know what to do. I contact the crisis line so much that they they’re going to have to restrict me and I can only contact them every 48 hours for 45 minutes a day. It’s understandable, I have no one I can talk to about how sad I feel. I’ve been to mental hospitals before and my parents wouldn’t hesitate to send me again. I really don’t want to go back to a mental hospital, it didn’t make me feel better but I guess it kept me safe. I used to cut but I don’t anymore. To keep myself busy I draw, write, exercise, and play animal crossing new leaf. Animal crossing makes me feel better. Do you have any suggestions on what I can do to make myself feel better and not be in so much mental pain? I understand that I’m the only person that can make myself happy and I can’t rely on others, but I’m not good with coping with my depression. My therapist doesn’t help and she’s leaving soon, so I’ll get a new one. I’m fighting so hard to be happy but I’m losing the battle and I’m desperate to feel better. I felt really happy last summer and I’m hoping to be that happy again.

Thanks,

Manic Pixie Fake Blonde

3 Comments
  1. kat-4 2 years ago

    I totally relate. I’m sixteen and I’ve been hospitalized 7 times due to suicide attempts. I also cut but Im trying to stop. I have only reached out to the chatline three times, but they are effective at deescalating the situation. Have you tried journalling? It is a good way to get out emotions and express how you are doing without worrying about someone knowing. You can also rant about your traumas in there if you don’t want anyone knowing about it and need a release. I got a combo lock journal off Amazon for $20ish so my family could not snoop. I also picked up crocheting, which is sort of like a form of meditation for me, plus I get to create beautiful things from my pain.

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  2. kat-4 2 years ago

    Also, have you ever considered a residential treatment center? I’ve been to three and they are the places that really taught me how to cope. It’s hard but helpful. It’s also a good place to get meds sorted out.

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  3. Author
    manicpixiefakeblonde 10 months ago

    I am 10 months late, I am so sorry I’m horrible at this website. I appreciate your input, I do journal but I might do it excessively? I write down intrusive thoughts but then I get into a rage in my head and start scribbling profanity. I should try crocheting. I draw and create pottery weekly which is nice. I’ve considered residential treatment, but my parents didn’t think that was the right step for me. I was hospitalized for the third time in October 2020, which was a much better experience by far. The first few days were extremely rough, but I was supported by staff and other patients. As of now, I’m stable but kind of on the edge, but at least not suicidal.

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