Its sad to knwo you will never be happy that hapiness is unreachable that mo matter what being content will never happened. It is funny how i do dnot seek dying at all but, want to stay in all of my unhapiness ………. i am so sad and i have to put on a happy face but, it never comes out i wear it so much at work that when i come home i let it out…… too bad that it will soon i will have to pretned even at home. It is so sad that i can never be myself with out being called crazy by my husband he makes me fell less than a person liek i am not normal. Well i assume i am not normal…….. why did i even get marriend i should have not every made anyone eles life as bad as mindes it is so unfair.  I want to leave and runway and leave ont he street sometimes i think it would be better no one wathcing me being so sad and let me son just grow up woihtout having a SAd mommy……. i have never used hardcore drugs but sometimes wonder if only i couuld escape into something i would be better off. I have seen somone amny doctors anbout my depressiont hey just tell me take some pills …. blah blah nothing seems to work. I guess i will go on pretneding till i snap again. back to reality………… i know i don’t make any sense to most but i have no other option but, to wrtie in this blog. I know my husband will leave me soon he is tried of me i am not what he wants. He wants a loveing, happy wife and mother i am non of thee above mentioned i swear i am not good enought for anyon i was not even good enought for my parents to stop drugs when i was a child………. i guess i will go back ot pretneding after this blog pretend that i happy for the world sake.  the pain is so deep……. maybe a bottle can give em some relase off ot the liquare store ugh…….. i knwo it is not the answer but it sure helps right now.  back to pretending i go……