i'm not 100% sure what to say here…idk where to start. i havent been on here in forever… i havent written in forever. i had promised myself id write everyday whether it was here or elsewhere but like most promises i make myself it fell thru. but anyway. some things have changed since i last wrote. i enrolled in and have offical started my first year of college. I'm happy that i did but in some ways i'm wondering why i did it. What I mean is, at the time of enrolling I was happier i guess… I was in a better place. But in the last 2 months or so I've fallen off that wagon and have been feeling really depressed. I've also been experiencing anxiety attacks and panicy episodes more than usually. Classes officially started only a week ago and I feel extremely overwhelmed by the work i have to. It really isnt THAT much work but I cant seem to focus on the task at hand. I keep looking at EVERYTHING i have to do for the semester and freaking out. Its gotten so that just the sight of my textbooks is enough to give me headache or make me cry(something i seem to be doing on a regular basis now) Idk how I'm gona get thru the semester is this keeps up. I'm hoping it will stop or atleast go down a bit after a few more weeks and i get more into the swing of things. The other things is that I can not decide on anything. If I have more than 2 choices, forget it. And it with EVERYTHING not just big things… just picking out a pair of socks is this huge things. I honestly feel this impending doom like my worl, my life is going to end if i pick the wwrong thing….. I havent seen my therapist in a few months so I made an appt but its not for another 2 week. I think i'm gona have to start going on a regular basis again, I really should have never stopped seeing him regularly but I guess I got caught up in the high of feeling good and well yeah. But like i said I've got 2 weeks to wait and Idk what i'm gona do until then. I dont really have anyone to talk to about it. I try talking to my mom but I dont think she really understands it and she has her own problems to deal with. And my bff well she has her own issues too and was just put back on antidepressiants. We talk and everything but in truth I've never been 100% honest with her about how i feel, I just hit the bulletpoints and leave it alone. Honestly i'm afraid to tell anyone i know on "personal" level whats really going on inside my head, but I'd assume most of us out there fell that way…….

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