Hello,

Iam fairly new to this site. I have only visited a few times, so I do not have a strong opinion either way about this site.

I guess I will begin to develop one after I start posting more.

I read all of your stories and realize you do suffer like me….and even though some of us suffer in varied ways and some of us seem to suffer more than others, it is so clear to me how real depression is.  After all these years, why would I even have to wonder ?  Due to Society's inability to look at anything that is "outside" their little box.

I am the mother of a 27 year old daughter who has recently (actually the past 5 months) admitted herself to a center to detox off of all medications. She had been on them for years trying to battle her deep depression combined with much suicidal thoughts and 1 serious attempt over a period of 10 years.

She is now detoxed, doing supplements for her brain and health and doing incredibly better.

Well, now here I am. After caring for my father and his wife who both passed in the last 2 years, and for my daughter who has now residing in another state….Guess What ? My own depression has come back on with a vengence. I have struggled with it for years, but it has been on the back burner while I took care of all the dramas and illnesses of others.

So, instead of trying the 100th go-around with the antidepressants, I decided to FEEL my Grief over the many losses in my life and try all the natural holistic supplements. Well, the Hospice counselor has been a tremendous support and helped me work through my grief a lot…

The loss of my 90 year old father has been HUGE to me. And he was all that was left of my support system (however minimal and complex that his support/our relationship was), he was still my Rock as I was growing up.

The natural supplements did NOTHING for me, except make me have more energy "just enough" to realize how isolated, alone, sedentary, and stuck that I have become. I cannot work…just cannot do it. I do not receive assistance. I am running out of finances, I have no health insurance. I have gained 30 pounds and sleep 12 hours per day….and find it difficult to breathe and to move. I feel paralyzed. My muscles are stiffening from inactivity. I cry. I stay away from social contact. I do not answer my phone unless I have a couple cups of coffee. The caffeine seems to offset the depression for about an hour per day. Then later 2 glasses of wine help for another hour. But that is only 2 hours a day I get a mild dose of relief. I sometimes cannot make it to the store for groceries or the mailbox for days. I often do not shower and stay in pjs all day long.This has been going on over a2 year period, not 2 weeks ormonths.My friends are all gone as is my family. I cannot be counted on. I cannot commit to anything…..so slowly people drift away from you……

So, enough of that. I want help. So, I am going to go back to the antidepressants. I found relief from the tricyclic meds in my earlier life when my husband passed on. The ssri's do not work on my chemical make-up. Wellbutrin has helped me and desipramine.

So……I guess this is what my plan is…to try again.

Any suggestions on any new innovative antidepressant meds/cocktails ? That worked for you all ?

Any other sites for depression support you know of if you all are leaving ? In case I do the same ?

Iam very serious about changing this depression around. It has been with me like my skin for many years and I am really ready to shed it. Or at least lighten it.

But I defintely feel stuck, since the loss of my father and daughter. Loss is big. And part of life, I realize. It does not make it any easier being aware of it, though for me.

Thank you with BUCKETS of Love and Hope for you ALL for listening and reading my venting!

Keep writing, OK ?  Let's keep this site going!

Please reply when you can,

peace,

hanna

&nb sp;