Ok, somebody pleasssseee wake me up !!! I've had enough ! I don't no what to do anymore. My life has been a series of struggles, like the day I was born, my mom went into laber, went to the hospital, and the doctor wasn't there so they crossed my mom's legs and wrapped her from her breasts down to her feet in a sheet soI couldn't come until the doctor arrived, well need not sayI came out clawing and seems as though I've been clawing every since !
I've been depressed before. I've had the black dogs breathing down my back, shreeding my clothes,nashing at my soul, but this is……. something far more serious than depression……something far more damaging if you could believe that. Yes I am suffering from depression, griefing the loss of a young woman, a man, and my world, but the threat comes in no escape, no preverable light at the end of the tunnel. I have no quality of life. I have no way to help myself or to help my family. I am in greatneed of so much but have no way to achieve even theslightestof things, noway to rebuild my life I feel sick, my body is not happy along with my mind.I can't even simply go to the store without askinksomeone to carry me and there isn't anyone except fora couple of ppl who takeme, and when i get to go,I'm always hurring, I am on foodstamps or i'd havestarved to death already,seriously ! No job, no income, I have no electricity in my part of the house,NO QUALITY OF LIFE ! I cannot rebuild my world without some way to do so. Iabsolutely don't no what to do anymore as I run outof soap, shampoo,deodrant, etc.,I need medical attention, my ear and jaw hurt and I've beenfeeling in general lousey, NO QUALITY OF LIFE. My mom lets me wash my clothes every now andagain, and I cook for us,and she does what she canas she is on a fixed income and I really can't see the need in going on like this but somehow I do.There is no help, no justice, no hope, but still I go on. I wonder what it would be like to get in a car andgo to see a movie or go on a trip to visit a friend, to go eat out at a restraunt, to go shopping, to get my hair fixed, oh how I miss that ! Tears stream down my cheeks,I'm so in need, with no hope, no help, nothing but the long ago memories ofworld that once was, out of sink, time is passing me bye, I'm not slipping down, I'm past that, my worldis gone over finished, there is only this moment, no past, no future, only this moment and I only exists in this moment, a moment in need, in quite grief, silence, void of humanlife. a world that should be. I wonder when I will move into life again or is this the end? Is my living done am I only to exist? Trapped in the moment. Out of sink out of time andout of my mind.